Monday, December 07, 2009

Climate summit: 1,200 limos, 140 private planes & "carbon dating" by prostitutes

Ms Jorgensen reckons that between her and her rivals the total number of limos in Copenhagen next week has already broken the 1,200 barrier. The French alone rang up on Thursday and ordered another 42. "We haven't got enough limos in the country to fulfil the demand," she says. "We're having to drive them in hundreds of miles from Germany and Sweden." And the total number of electric cars or hybrids among that number? "Five," says Ms Jorgensen. "The government has some alternative fuel cars but the rest will be petrol or diesel. We don't have any hybrids in Denmark, unfortunately, due to the extreme taxes on those cars. It makes no sense at all, but it's very Danish." The airport says it is expecting up to 140 extra private jets during the peak period alone, so far over its capacity that the planes will have to fly off to regional airports – or to Sweden – to park, returning to Copenhagen to pick up their VIP passengers. As well 15,000 delegates and officials, 5,000 journalists and 98 world leaders, the Danish capital will be blessed by the presence of Leonardo DiCaprio, Daryl Hannah, Helena Christensen, Archbishop Desmond Tutu and Prince Charles. A Republican US senator, Jim Inhofe, is jetting in at the head of an anti-climate-change "Truth Squad." The top hotels – all fully booked at £650 a night – are readying their Climate Convention menus of (no doubt sustainable) scallops, foie gras and sculpted caviar wedges...

My, my, these folks don't seem to be environmentally conscientius. What will the carbon footprint be of this momentous meeting?

According to the organisers, the eleven-day conference, including the participants' travel, will create a total of 41,000 tonnes of "carbon dioxide equivalent", equal to the amount produced over the same period by a city the size of Middlesbrough.

A gathering of this size always creates a demand for extracurricular activities - in other words sex. But sex is carbon neutral, right? Yes, but the Danish prostitutes are upset:

And this being Scandinavia, even the prostitutes are doing their bit for the planet. Outraged by a council postcard urging delegates to "be sustainable, don't buy sex," the local sex workers' union – they have unions here – has announced that all its 1,400 members will give free intercourse to anyone with a climate conference delegate's pass. The term "carbon dating" just took on an entirely new meaning.

Looks like the only free trade to be discussed will be between the delegates and the prostitutes.

So what if you want to protest these doings? They've taken care of that too:


Denmark has taken delivery of its first-ever water-cannon – one of the newspapers is running a competition to suggest names for it – plus sweeping new police powers. The authorities have been proudly showing us their new temporary prison, 360 cages in a disused brewery, housing 4,000 detainees.

So sex is free but speech isn't.

Depending on on which side you advocate, you'll either be whored or hosed.

Actually, our only hope is that with all the free sex going on nothing else will get done. I wasn't part of the Free Sex Movement in the 60's, but I'm damn sure all for it in Copenhagen.


Check it out here.

1 comment:

JED said...

I think sex is 'carbon neutral' only if you are not doing it right. Speaking of the Free Love Movement of the 60's, I tried to participate in the Sexual Revolution in the 70's, but there was some sort of sexual cease fire at the college I attended.
JED