Sunday, December 19, 2010

Cowgirl Sass and Savvy

Multiple choice Christmas gift list

 by Julie Carter

After the Christmas catalogs get stacked on the coffee table and the advertising circulars line the bottom of the wood box, Christmas gift options for the cowboy get creative.

A favorite gift among the working cowboy set is the thoughtful offering of the cowboys' favorite beverage, usually in aluminum cans but sometimes upgraded to a glass bottle.

The ropers refer to it as "aiming fluid," and have determined that the proper amount not only improves their roping but makes pastures greener and girls prettier.

A popular accessory for this gift is the camouflage container that convinces those that imbibe that they have the ability to become invisible if enough is consumed.

Then there is the never-ending list of "new" ideas for gifts designed to entice the giver to give to the guy that already has everything.

Sometimes those suggestions become multiple choice selections and not always "real" options, just wishes.

A. A real fruitcake given to you by someone who lives close and who will check to see if you eat the thing.
B. An inflatable artificial fruit cake. The benefits are that you don't have to really eat the thing and you can use it year after year to denote all your spirit of the season.

A. A wow-looking, easy-to-get along with cowboy with a double dose of bad attitude.
B. One that got too large, was losing his hair, was not all that easy to get along with but had a good attitude most days.

A. A load of those little black heifers that the seller guaranteed with a straight face to be bred to a low-birth-weight bull and would just lie right down and squirt those calves out all by themselves. He neglected to mention they had never been on the same planet with a man on a horse.
B. A load of steers that not only would not have to have calves pulled in snowstorms at midnight, but had actually been handled by cowboys on horses.

A. The kind of friends and family who will love it that you excavated the cupboards to find your real china, crystal and silver and make a proper table to celebrate the season.
B. The kind that will bring a covered dish, don't have a care if you use paper plates, and are just happy to see you.

A. Presents including a dress suit, silk blouse and pretty jewelry when you are a ranch wife and have no chance in this lifetime of ever wearing any of that.
B. A new down coat, good gloves and a couple pair of heavy socks that make your snow boots more tolerable.

A. Friends who have most everything and require actual shopping for gifts.
B. Friends that you can just give one of those extra puppies to and they will be almost as happy with it as you are to get rid of it.

A. A husband who offers to take you anywhere you want to go soon as the roads thaw out.
B. A husband who does not follow that statement up with "as long as there is a roping there."

A. A great day in the winter where you don't have to feed.
B. The proverbial "winter wonderland" of snow for a scenic Christmas for your company, who will all tell you how lucky you are to have the snow.

A. A 3-inch plastic sphere that you can put water in, freeze, and make one giant ice cube for your drink.
B. An actual drink and one requiring only a finger to pull the tab would suffice.

A. A big bottle of the finest bubble bath.
B. A tub to put it in that doesn't have the tank float hoses in it for thawing out.
C. All the above.

A. Christmas filled with family, friends, good health and good things.
B. All the above.

Time's a-wasting. Get your orders in now!

Julie can be reached for comment at jcarter@tularosa.net

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