Sunday, August 21, 2011

Jackrabbit glossary

By Wayne Crawford

As just about any traveler of Western roads is aware, highways substantially offset the high fertility rates of jackrabbits.

Just about any significant stretch of pavement west of the Mississippi has evidence of the local population density. "Polka-dots per mile" is a common unit of measurement for most true ranchers. Many people are unaware of the diversity of jackrabbit behavior patterns on roadways.

While recognizable to experienced travelers, a quick review of the named jackrabbit behaviors should aid in efficient communication about lepus californicus.

While traveling a road at night, even paved roads, one can often spot one or more of the following jackrabbit behaviors in the headlights:

Runner: The jackrabbit runs directly away from you down the middle of the road, using your headlights so they can see to run faster.

Bionic bunny: A "runner" that passes you.

Joggers: Enter the road, run away from you down the road similar to a "runner," but exit the road to the same side they entered from. This type does not accomplish an actual road crossing, but rather uses the road for exercise purposes only.

Freezers: Stop half way and watch you come.

Lounger: Lounge in the middle of the road with an indifferent hope that you'll go around them.

Grease head: A "freezer" or "sitter" that ducks.

Slick: Two or more "sitters" together after a car passes.

Unknown: A two- or three-day-old spot of fur in the road, most likely to be a former "freezer," but can be any type.

Eagle bait: Alternative nomenclature for an "unknown;" Colloquially: Stew stock.

Speed bump: The natural evolution of an "unknown" after three days. Can be removed with studded snow tires and a lead foot.

18 wheeler: An "unknown" created by a big rig tractor-trailer front wheel, and that evolves into a "speed bump" by the time of passage of the rear set of wheels.

Yellow liner: An "unknown" created with a minor swerve to the left.

On-comer: An "unknown" created with a major swerve to the left.

Lurkers: Watch from the side of the road and never step onto the road. They are apparently enjoying their uncanny power to cause 80,000 pounds of steel and rubber to swerve into oncoming traffic.

Steel: These are jackrabbits that drowsy drivers find approximately 10 seconds after dozing, and they are shaped a lot like guardrails and roadside reflectors.

Double: A combination of an "on-comer" and "steel" jackrabbits in the same encounter. They are often bragged about upon regaining of consciousness.

Undecided: Run three-fourths of the way across the road before changing their mind and running back.

Decided: An "undecided" on ice.

Ping-ponger: Similar to the "undecided," but repeating in a zig-zag pattern.

Hoppers: Slowly hop from one side of the road to the other, beginning only after your headlights illuminate the route.

Bounder: Cross the road in a single leap within five feet of your front bumper.

Crosser: The gold standard. This is the traditional jackrabbit running across the road in front of you. It must include the majority of transit time in headlight illumination.

Pseudo-crosser: Same as "crosser" except at an oblique angle.

Submarine: A "crosser" in deep snow.

Lucky: A successful "crosser" whose crossing includes negotiating four or more sets of tires.

Unlucky: A "crosser" that successfully negotiates the less than 4-of-4 sets of tires.

Streakers: Same as a "crosser," but in the blink of the eye. It is also known as a "whawuzzat" or "wuwuzat."

Roadrunner: A "streaker" closely followed by a coyote.

Smoker: A "streaker" on a dusty road.

Amorous streaker: A "streaker" in hot pursuit of another rabbit of the opposite gender.

Vicious streaker: A "streaker" in hot pursuit of another rabbit of the same gender.

Bouncers: They wait until you pass, and then they leap into the side of your vehicle. Early "smartie."

Roller: A "bouncer" immediately after sideswiping your vehicle.

Smartie: They wait until you pass, and then cross behind you. They can be fooled with disconnected reverse lights.

Leaper variant: These can be of several different types, but all Leapers require extrication from the front grill after being hit.

No: As in "thet twarn't no jack" (that was no jackrabbit). An animal that may be confused for a jackrabbit because of behavior similar to a jackrabbit. For example, close call with a cow (aka: slow elk) that has strayed onto the road, or an antelope (aka: speed goat) that has discovered the road.

Pelleteer: A jackrabbit engaged in pellet-making.

Yup-i-gotim: A composite name; responsive to the inquiry of "Dija-gitim."

Educated: A jackrabbit that is involved in a narrow miss as in:

Mabel: "Dija-gitim?"

Clevis: "Naw, i jist larn'ed 'im gud."

While the above are the widely accepted named behaviors of jackrabbits, there are many more regionally recognized names. But at a minimum, your communication should be much easier with the above nomenclature.

Wayne Crawford is a biologist not currently employed as a jackrabbit behaviorist. Additional nomenclature is welcomed by email to w.crawford@msn.com.

Originally posted at Deseret News.

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