Cowgirl Sass & Savvy

Romantic devils, aren't they?

by Julie Carter

Note to you full-of-yourself charmers in cowboy hats: The pickup line, “Hey Baby! Want some of this?” went out years ago.  In fact, it never was really a successful start to any hope you might have for getting favorably noticed.

And while I have your attention, I would remind you that, in reference to your last date, when hollering “put out or walk,” you might want to be sure you are in your own vehicle. Just a suggestion of course.

Cowboys as a rule most definitely have some traits that make them charming characters but not always desirable for a keeper.

While having skills that mark them “cowboy,” they often don’t have much finesse in the romance department which sometimes bleeds over into other trades they might attempt to maintain a flow of disposable income. Time has proven that they should just keep punching cows and call it good.

For example, there is Billy.

Billy had gone to the Texas Panhandle to work in one of the feedlots. As it does in that part of the country, the winter got much too cold for him (and anybody else in their right mind) to be horseback riding cattle pens.

He recalled his grandmother’s fondness for warmth and that she liked it in the old folk’s home where they keep it about 85 degrees all day.

So he went to the local old folk’s home and got a job as a maintenance man.  He didn't know anything about maintenance beyond how to fix floats on cattle drinkers but that didn't slow him down any at all.

There were a few questionable incidents, but the old folk’s home didn't actually fire him until somebody flushed a toilet and the lights went out. Directly, Billy was back at home in south Texas.

Any prospective dates Billy rounded up had some issues with the fact that Billy's rope horse, Hombre, was his drinking buddy. And word was, Hombre could hold his liquor a little better than Billy.

There is now a list of online dating services tailored to the country boy --sites for cowboys, farmers and other rural types to find the love of their life. The ultimate low has to be when a site sends a letter of rejection saying, “Sorry, no can do.”

The dismissal letter, which has become famous among friends and family of this particular guy, read in part:

“Thank you so much for the application.  We will frame it and keep it as a reminder that we were wrong.  We can't help everyone. However, we would like to offer a few suggestions that might help you in your search for happiness. 

“The picture of you with the potato in your pants was a new wrinkle for us. We weren’t sure what you intended by the location of said spud, but we advise that in the front instead of the back would provide a more suggestive appearance.

“We do think there is someone out there for you.  Our suggestion is a mail order bride from Russia with a moustache who has never met you prior to the nuptials.”

Not daunted in the least by words that would ordinarily discourage, the cowboy resorted to the time-proven old-fashioned way of picking up girls – buying them a beer at last call just before closing time.

Julie can be reached for comment at jcarternm@gmail.com