Jim Beers Presents "Aesop Story Award for 2013"

Aesop Story Award for 2013

by Jim Beers

Now didn’t you know this would be the case? What else except “deformity” and “brain damage” could ever cause a wolf to bite a young man? Especially in Minnesota, where such an incident is classified as an “unprecedented freak attack”. It is all so, scientific and inarguable. In fact, this will be removed from any report or documentation over time since it was not an attack and not due to a wolf responsible for its actions. In a month or so it will only be recalled or documented as a “laceration due to physical deformity and brain damage for which suitable treatment was unavailable due to federal sequester constriction of necessary federal funding to hire sufficient state veterinarians to provide medical assistance to various animals experiencing difficulty in adjusting to environmental and physical factors beyond their ability to adjust”. Translation: Wolves no longer behave as wolves have for millennia, worldwide; science says so.

In addition to giving these boys and girls that compose and circulate this tripe (blaming deformity AND brain damage for a wolf behaving as wolves always have behaved) the Aesop Fable Award for 2013: let us remember them. When inevitable human attacks by wolves and disease impacts on humans caused by wolf densities and wolf numbers CREATED by these charlatans are no longer deniable, and when hunting and animal husbandry are no longer possible; remember these bureaucrats, academics and ideologues. Little Red Riding Hood, Goldilocks, the lady teacher on the Alaskan Peninsula, the young man in Saskatchewan were all real at one time whether immortalized in tales to warn children or when found in horrible circumstances in the snow. When their story is repeated with a Minnesota child remember that once upon a time, Minnesotans recognized and controlled a danger in their midst. Then they allowed liars and bureaucrats (an oxymoron) to impose wolf densities and numbers that any Greek writer 200 years before Christ knew were excessive and exceedingly dangerous to men, their families and their communities as well as destructive to the goods and property that they needed to live.

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you this year’s award winner:

 Deformed wolf that bit Minnesota teen had brain damage

Tests results show that a wolf that bit a 16-year-old boy’s head at a northern Minnesota campground had severe deformities as well as brain damage, which likely explains the reason for the “unprecedented” freak attack, wildlife specialists said Thursday. DNA tests results also confirmed that the gray wolf that was trapped and killed two days after the late-night attack is in fact the same wolf that bit the teen. The wolf tested negative for rabies. All of that is a relief for the family of Noah Graham, the Solway, Minn., teen who was bit last month while lying on the ground, but not inside a tent, at a Chippewa National Forest campground near Lake Winnibigoshish. “We all felt 98 percent sure that was the animal,” Noah’s father, Scott Graham, said Thursday after Department of Natural Resources officials called him with the test results. “My concern was that the wolf was diseased and Noah could contract something. But that wasn’t the case.” The rare encounter last month was Minnesota’s first documented wild wolf attack on a human that resulted in a significant injury...more