Fungi in our midst and … on our dime

Phylum Chordata

Fungi in our midst and … on our dime

Taxonomy provides clues

By Stephen L. Wilmeth

            Remember the days when there were just two taxonomic kingdoms … plants and animals?

            No?

Do you mean you sat befuddled through that lecture as well? It was the one with the learned professor giving the obligatory lesson on where the ruling liberals had us in the food chain. He continued his monotone as if it was actually going to affect our future. When he commenced his concluding remarks, he stretched the script as close to the bell as possible. Tedious questions were intended to be avoided. Heaven forbid a question of actual hierarchy amongst all living organisms. Any prejudicial slur of objection to the work of Aristotle or even that Germanic thought provocateur, Linnaeus, would upset his ongoing coffee break.

            Like scat in the punch bowl, though, the question would arrive. It would invariably come from the scattered seats where the fellows who frequented barber shops sat.

            “What about categorization of creationism and biblical genesis?”

            “Are you kidding me?” the actual interpretation of the response would be.

            “Why, that is so simple,” he puffed, “that I’ll let my assistant answer that question!”

            The race toward complexity

            I won’t mock you and ask if you have reviewed the state of taxonomy these days.

            It is unrecognizable. It has become so esoteric that the tax paying subjects in the hinterlands who finance the cause might as well continue peeling potatoes for their one meal a day rather than try to figure out where the lineage of living organisms is going. The science of taxonomy is so complex it should now be spelled in capital letters. There is little wonder those folks who study that stuff wear little round glasses and forget to wash their hair.

            Let’s review the basics. You … most human beings … fit in a continuum that progresses as follows: Animalia, Chordata, Vertebrata, Mammalian, Eutheria, Primate, Homidae, Homo, and sapien …phew!

All we will concentrate on, though, is the Phylum delineation and that equates to Chordata. So, rest easy. That doesn’t imply you are more or less important in the greater scheme of things. Rather, it simply implies that you have a hollow dorsal nerve cord, pharyngeal slits, and … a post anal tail.

            To be completely fair, balanced, and non-racial, the little round glasses crewdom does not array your place among the natural kingdom at the top. Rather, they array you alphabetically down in the mix between the longhair jaw army worms and stinging nettle. They have come to that conclusion variously, but they have zeroed in on the detail with technology. The electron microscope gave them a supercharged crescent wrench to find stuff on which to work. That has been further accelerated by molecular, genetic and sub cellular studies. The last two decades have turned the classification world on its ear.

            These studies could cast the round glasses into a black hole, though, with their agenda based direction. Without intention, the weak link, and, their potential downfall, may be their findings in matters of descendency. These studies are revealing things not the least of which are evolutionary secrets why society cannot get along. This information is particularly revealing in ribosomal RNA studies.

The studies are suggesting that, although plants, fungi, and animals may look morphologically differently, they are more closely related than previously suspected.

Furthermore, what was once heretical to suggest, modern species didn’t descend from a common ancestor or monophyletic evolution. Science is revealing that only some descendents came from a common ancestor or paraphyletic evolution.

            Profound don’t you think?

            That development is not a simple matter. Potentially, it changes the debate and sheds light on our most troubling social dilemmas. The bottom line is all human forms may not be cut from the image of their creator after all.

Indeed, what many of us had long suspected, but resisted in proclaiming is … there are fungi among us!

            Fungi among us

            We should recall that the world view has been that RNA formed first, but the new modeling, conceptualized by the round glasses crewdom that predicted global warming, sets the world view on the shelf and proclaims that RNA and proteins involved in protein synthesis must have co-evolved!

            These folks are not just content to reduce every living thing to a state of equality. They are intent to denounce any thought of a hierarchy ranking amongst cellular level components as well. For too long society has taken advantage of these poor components . . . they deserve equality just like every other thing!

            They are denying the time honored theorem that RNA formed first and protein formation was completed by catalytic RNA. They are now demanding we believe functionally important and concerned regions of the ribosomes were actually recruited from an ancient ribonucleoprotein world.   

            With this kind of thinking, it will be no time before Chuck Schumer, John McCain, and other mortal deity grasp the communal implications of this and commence committee meetings for possible remuneration for all the protistas that have been wronged.

            We can either get ready to dig deep in our pockets or recognize these liberals are nothing more than fungi masquerading as human beings. Why? If the little glasses crew can keep a straight face with their insistence of recruiting proteins from ancient ribonucleic worlds, we can legitimately contend that fungi have metamorphosized into human form.

            It makes all the sense in the world. We must remember what fungi actually are. They are organisms that make their living sucking on remnants of declining or decaying life forms.

            Think about it … it kind of hits the nail on the head doesn’t it?

Stephen L. Wilmeth is a rancher from southern New Mexico. “Have you seen the newest satellite imagery of polar ice expansion? It has grown 60% in a year or about half the size of Europe. The little glasses crew had modeled that it was going to be gone in 2013!”