by Julie Carter
It’s that
time of year when the cowboys are hanging out at the feed store shopping for
their favorite cowgirl. The cowgirl is in the same store because that’s where
the stuff that her cowboy likes is sold.
The place
is full of leather goods from saddles to boots as well as ropes, cammo, ammo,
pocket knives, and five-buckle boot-style overshoes. And, if he’s lucky enough
to know how to read, there is a cookbook called “101 Ways to Cook Venison” or
in the “how to” book section, “Teach Your Woman to Run a Trap Line.”
An
annual best seller for that special guy at the ranch is a heavy duty
one-gazillion candle power spotlight for calving season. If all else fails, she
can put together a gift basket full of
beanie weenies, spam, Vienna sausages, beef jerky and a
huntin’ license good for shooting anything anywhere.
His
gift options for her run along those same lines except the feed stores have
upped their game a little with a clothing line that includes bling, boots that
include lots of color and a few racks of jewelry items that won’t break the
bank but will put out an eye when the lights hit the sparkles.
Of
course there is always the practical side of gifts for her that include heated
chicken waterers or a new cattle guard in the road where she has to open a gate
four times a day coming and going. The ultimate in practicality are the “his
and her” wood splitting mauls.
Do
not bother to buy him a salad spinner, a George Foreman “get all the fat off
“grill, a sweater vest or season tickets to the opera. Take Beano off the list
too. He won’t use it.
Never
under estimate the subversive nature of the cowboy when it comes to gift
giving. The holiday season brings out
his devious side whether on the buying or the selling end of a gift
possibility.
This
particular cowboy used his brains and his need to make some Christmas spending
money at the local sale barn. Riding an admittedly “sorry” horse that he wanted
to unload through the sale ring, the auctioneer asked, “What you ridin’ today
Paul?”
Paul
answered clearly, “A son-in-law horse.”
Puzzled,
the auctioneer asked, “A son-in-law horse? What in the world is that?”
Candidly,
it was explained. “Yes sir, someone here
today surely has a son-in-law they hate. This is the horse for him. It won’t
hurt him but he is a miserable puke to ride. He’s the perfect gift because your
daughter will think the gift means you like your son-in-law, and yet your
son-in-law will know exactly how you really feel about him.”
That
$500 horse brought $1250 that day. There were at least two people at the sale
that didn’t care much for their son-in-law.
Down
the road, the argument between the young couple over how Daddy feels about the
son-in-law will never be won. After all, “You know he really likes you,” she’ll
say with conviction. “He even bought you a horse!”
Julie can be reached for comment at jcarternm@gmail.com.
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