Broadsides From The Bunkhouse

by Frank DuBois

I’ve got two burs under my saddle.

Scientists are recommending a move towards insect farming to have a more sustainable form of meat production.  Why?  Because their research shows that insects produce significantly less greenhouse gas per kilogram of meat than cattle or pigs.

Some university types and all the DC Deep Thinkers want ag producers to be early adopters and enter in to the latest management and production techniques.

Let’s analyze what this would bring us if we established an insect ranch.

We’d be way ahead on capital outlays and annual production costs:

° Instead of ropes all you need is a flyswatter

° You can brand with a toothpick

° Use thimbles for water tanks and popsicle sticks for fences

° You can trade your trailer for a matchbox, and

° Switch from bedeezers to tweezers

Like any new operation there will be challenges.  For instance, how do you preg test a Praying Mantis?

But there would be fun things too.  For instance, think of all the fun you’ll have marketing maggot meat.

I see one big drawback though:  Instead of calf fries on the campfire you’ll be having grasshopper gonads on your cigarette lighter.

Finally, the experts are really big on diversification.  In addition to your insect ranch I would recommend you diversify by having…an ant farm.

For twenty years the small community of Brasstown, North Carolina has conducted their New Years Eve Possum Drop.  Not this year.  As a result of legal threats from PETA they instead used a pot of possum stew. 

You can't even drop a possum anymore.

I need to find a PETA-free place...maybe Amarillo.

There I could conduct the annual Amarillo Armadillo Drop.

"I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
The friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen"

A good lookin' woman, country music and the world's first armadillo drop...who could ask for anything more?

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Other titles under consideration:

Bunkhouse Broadsides

Bullets from the Bunkhouse

Comments from the Campfire

The Western Avenger

Returning Fire

Rimfire from a Remnant

The Talleybook

Please post comments/suggestions  on weekly review or column or email me  mscowboy@gmail.com