Cowgirl Sass & Savvy

Looking to the positive

by Julie Carter

Someone found it necessary to make a list of the advantages of living past the age of 50, or 60 and climbing to 70. I tend to believe that every day above ground is a good day, but there are other perks to hanging on in the second half of your century of living. 

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. I find that to be absolutely true. I have never been kidnapped nor even threatened with abduction. In fact, the only reference made to it my lifetime was by my dad. His comment was something

about having pity for the kidnappers.

2. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first. See No.1 for references.

3. No one expects you to run, anywhere. Speed takes on a more relative definition with each passing decade. What you thought was fast, probably wasn’t. Ask an over-50 barrel racer.

4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?" I’ve gotten good at sounding convincing to the contrary.

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. Instead, one learns the polite art of not monopolizing the conversation with long, detailed renditions of aches, pains and remedies.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way, or so they say. I haven’t yet found that to be true.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out. The Maytag man never considered that he might never see you again when he promised that the new washing machine he just delivered would last you 25 years.

8. You can eat supper at 4 p.m. or breakfast at noon. This holds true especially if you are unemployed, single and living alone.

9. You can live without sex but not without your glasses. Enough said, except to note, well ... never mind.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. That may have changed with the recent political black cloud that came over people's plans for retirement. There is no edgy humor here.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. In fact, you no longer think of them at all. That may indicate more habit than age.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room. Bulkier sweaters, "big" shirts, and jackets allow breathing. Oxygen is so much better for your health than holding your breath.

13. You sing along with elevator music and the designated "oldies" radio station is your "home station" while driving anywhere.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse. Refer to No. 9 and buy reader glasses in bulk.

15. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. The "weather knee" is a valuable indicator and every old timer has a good story to go with it.

16. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. It takes several friends to keep a good rumor going.

17. You notice that you are drawn more and more to things written in big print and you have learned the keystrokes on the computer keyboard to make the font on websites bigger.

18. You can't remember where you saw this list before and why you thought it was funny at the time.

No matter the age, take time to enjoy today. Tomorrow is not promised. Now, where are my glasses?

Julie, claiming firsthand knowledge of most of the above, can be reached for comment at jcarternm@gmail.com