In their 28 years of being married it
was the only thing they ever fought about. I’m referring of course to
THE TRIP. Once a year, Phil and three of his buddies would go on their
annual hunting expedition. They had hunted for white wing dove in Texas,
caribou in Canada and “dears” in Las Vegas. (No matter where they went
the trip was always routed through Las Vegas). The key word here is
“hunt,” notice that I did not say “find”.
Every year they went a different place and
every year Phil’s wife got raving mad about it. She was always
complaining to Phil about the work she had to do while he was away and
about the cost of the annual trek. She wouldn’t really mind all the
fuss, she said, if Phil would just come home with something to show for
his efforts other than a $500 marker from the Tropicana Casino. After
countless hunting trips that had not resulted in any food being placed
on the table she was beginning to wonder.
Preparations for the annual trip usually
began eleven months in advance and that’s about when the nagging would
begin. As with any vacation, the time spent in planning the trip was
more fun than the actual vacation; applying for tags and out of state
licenses and the much needed planning sessions for the trip with his
hunting pals down at the Pastime Bar. These planning sessions really
got the wife’s goat. (Although Phil never did.)
Phil looked forward to The Trip because it
was the one week of the year that he could escape from the pressures of
calving, feeding, and his wife. Although Phil loved his wife dearly, he
needed an escape, a chance to fraternize with other men and a chance to
speak. The last time he got a word in edgewise with his wife was when
he said, “I do.” Since then it had been nag, nag, nag. And always the
subject was the same, The Trip, and the fact that Phil never brought
home any game.
Bring Em Back Alive Phil was very excited about this year’s expedition,
an elk hunt near Show Low, Arizona (via Las Vegas of course). Phil left
home with the words of his wife still ringing in his ears, “You better
bring back an elk.”
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