Cowgirl Sass & Savvy

Ain’t love grand

by Julie Carter

Cowboys love good horses, cold beer and pretty women, and not necessarily in that order. Tune in at any given time to any team roper you know and the entertainment is limitless.

One such twine twirler I know decided he needed a woman in his life. Mike decided to hook up with this dandy looker he’d met along the way and his life changed quickly and drastically. The first thing she did was make him upgrade his trailer house with a hot water heater. Until then, a tank heater in the tub before he left for work warmed the water enough for a bath when he got home. He even missed roping on a Saturday to get the water heater installed, indicative of true love.

True to pattern, in about a year the romance had worn off. His bright orange leatherette couch with the tufted bird dog in the center had disappeared. So did his recliner that was worn only a little bit and patched with tape in only a few places.

Moving from bachelorhood to significant other-hood was expensive. The heart-stopping bills for the new furniture arrived in the mail just before the letter from the lawyer. The little pretty was moving out. A ton of her friends swooped in to help pack and move, none of whom seemed to be around during the move-in phase. It took two days for them to pack up all the new dishes.

Mike just grabbed the dog and slipped out the back door. The women on the packing crew looked mean and unhappy, much like a roommate he recalled that complained of constipation.

Better days were ahead. As a free man, he was able to do a lot of ropin' without a lot of explainin'. Then it happened.

A few weeks ago, he was sitting horseback at a big roping minding his own business, visiting with his friend and roping partner, a pretty blonde named Sally. Up rides this pushy gal, forces her horse between him and Sally. She then strikes up an overly friendly conversation with him all the while using all her feminine wiles.

He knew who she was and he also knew who her husband was so none of this was looking very healthy for him. He quickly deducted she was making a move for him and at all costs, he needed to keep from getting shot.

She called often and he didn’t answer, didn’t call back. She confronted him at work and informed him "that blonde" he was with at the roping was married. "So are you," he reminded her while not explaining about Sally.

In the meantime, she announced to her husband she was leaving him and marrying this new conquest. The news hadn't yet reached Mike, so when the husband asked him to help move a couch over to his estranged wife's apartment, he agreed.

Imagine his surprise when they shoved the couch through the door only to see, on the opposite wall, a gigantic framed photograph of himself heeling a steer at a recent roping. Apparently, the gal had paid a call to the event photographer and parted with a sizeable amount of money to make a point.

Shortly after, the husband told Mike that he had come into some money, the bills were paid off and his wife had moved home to enjoy the make-up phase of their 50 millionth honeymoon. The best part of this latest development was that Mike got the picture. It was delivered by the husband and now hangs in Mike’s office. Ain't love grand.

This should have been the end of the story, but wasn’t. Not long after, the improper aggressor was back stalking Mike at every turn.

With a sigh he just shook his head and said, "I just want to rope."

Julie can be reached for comment at jcarternm@gmail.com