SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE WESTERNER

Christmas shopping guide for the cowboy on your list

By Julie Carter

Let’s say you have a favorite cowboy you want to buy a gift for this Christmas and let’s say you are new to cowboy shopping. Let me give you an extensive list of cowboy shopping do’s and don’ts.

Keep in mind there are always exceptions to the rule, here are this year’s do not buy:

--Anything made of polyester but certainly not a polyester sport coat.
--Designer socks or silk jockey shorts.
--Tofu anything and white wine.
--A sweater vest
--A salad spinner
--A George Foreman get all the fat off the meat grill
--A vehicle without 4-wheel drive and less than ¾ ton capacity.
--Season tickets to the opera including opera glasses.
--Tennis, backgammon, or croquet lessons
--Complete set of Danielle Steele romance novels
--Driving gloves
--Gold chains and earrings
--Velour, embroidered or lace trimmed articles of clothing.
--Self Help books on how to get in touch with your feminine side.
--Speedos
--Any beverage holder with less than a four finger handle.
--Beano—he won’t use it.
--A manicure set with anything smaller than #9 wire pliers and a hoof rasp.
--Line dance lessons
--A day at the spa
--Subscription to GQ magazine.
--A gourmet cookbook
--Color coordinated shirt and tie by Ralph Lauren
--A smoking jacket
--A set of instructions for anything

Sure-fire pleasers under the Christmas tree for the cowboy are:

--Anything from the feed store.
--Anything from the hardware store.
--Tickets to the National Finals Rodeo and a subscription to ProRodeo News
--Membership to his favorite rodeo association and a gift certificate for a years worth of entry fees in his chosen event.
--Make that vest a leather, canvas duck or nylon down- filled one.
--Anything labeled Wrangler, Levi, Stetson, Tony Lama, Justin, or Carhart.
--Cast iron --especially if it’s a skillet complete with the promise of a years supply of fried steak, potatoes, okra, bacon, eggs, and even refried beans.
--A one-ton flatbed truck complete with a propane fuel tank, grill guard, headache rack, gun rack, mud and snow tires all the way around and a new chain, shovel and axe in a tool box in the back.
--Tools that say “life time warranty, guaranteed forever”
--A good pocket knife, made in the USA and a new whetstone
--Lots of cammo and ammo
--Pinto beans by the gunny sack full.
--Cookbook called 101 ways to cook venison
--A book called “Teach your woman to run a trap line”
--New five-buckle overshoes—boot style
--Heavy duty one-gazillion candle power spotlight for calving season
--A gift basket full of beanie weenies, spam, Vienna sausages, beef jerkey and huntin’ license good for anywhere to shoot anything.
--A roll of Copenhagen or Skoal for his stocking hung by the fire with care
--A tooled leather, belt mounted cell phone case.

These ideas of course are only suggested as guidelines and can be mixed and matched to suit the cowboy in your life. Happy shopping!

Julie can be reached for comment at jcarter@tularosa.net

© Julie Carter 2004


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