SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE WESTERNER

Slipping them by at the sale barn

By Julie Carter

Two riders were sitting in the alley at the sale barn waiting their turn to ride their respective mounts through the sale ring. It was sale day.

She was passing the time visiting about seeing a nice stocking-legged sorrel that she rather liked and she thought maybe she would go make an offer on him before he hit the ring.

The cowboy thoughtfully but kindly offered his opinion of that idea.

"Your horse here for a reason?" he asked.

"Uh, huh," she said. "Sure is."

"Well mine is here for a reason," he said. "And so I'm pretty sure that sorrel is here for a reason."

The logic was loud and clear. Selling a horse at the sale barn usually happens because you can't, in good conscience, sell him anywhere else.

Sale barn marketing of horses offers absolution for passing on the hidden sins of a particular horse to an unsuspecting buyer, holding the seller harmless and guilt free.

"We are not responsible for your ignorance" is the underlying caveat.

Beyond the obvious concerns of wondering what kind of horse you will have when his the drugs wear off, a whole set of interesting things start happening once inside the sale ring.

"This fine animal is as gentle as a dead pig and safe enough for your wife and children," barks the auctioneer.

"Your wife spends more getting her hair fixed than this horse is going to cost you."

And always get a good look at the person riding the animal through the ring. A complete circus act of drama and theatrics will unfold to the knowing eye.

A diverse assortment of folks will parade through the ring using a variety of tactics to enhance the horse's attributes or detract from the lack of them.

The trick rider will stand on the saddle, twirl ropes and crawl under the horses belly to assure you his horse is the best at everything you might ever want to do on him.

The crybaby will sob with tears streaming the entire time he is selling the best friend he ever had, this week anyway.

Old pro-dad will put all three children on the back of the horse to assure buyers this is a genuine kid horse. Just make sure those are really "his" kids.

The sequin queen will ride through glittering so brightly, bidders will keep raising a hand to shade their eyes, thus driving up the price of the very ugly horse.

The average consignor will often pay someone else to ride his horse through the ring. This rider for hire guy earns a living making horses that nobody else can ride look good.

He will lope into the ring; spin the horse three turns to the right and then three to the left.

Everyone whoops and hollers and forgets that the average buyer would fall off right after the loping part of the show.

Every now and then you find some truth in the sales pitch.

At a colt sale, the auctioneer announced "These colts haven't been ridden or ridden at. Take them home and mess them up to suit yourself."

I liked it when the prospective buyer asked the seller what kind of mouth the horse had. The seller said, "It doesn't matter, I'm going to do all of his talking for him."

Buying a "finished" horse usually means someone is finished with him. The big money question is, "Why?"

© Julie Carter 2006

I welcome submissions for this section of The Westerner.