SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE WESTERNER

The art of cowboy conversation

By Julie Carter

The fine art of conversation is what separates the human species from the sub-human ones – sort of. A cowboy’s ability to coherently converse falls somewhere in middle of the gap.

This took place after an afternoon of team roping at one cowboy’s arena.

Monte: How about having a barbeque here Tuesday after roping?

Blaine: That would be wonderful. I may be late to rope because my son is getting married.

Dan: Did you see old Slats fly out of that heeling box and get me in position. That is one good horse.

Jerry: Yeah man, Slats really had his game face on today.

Ed (known as Special Ed to his friends): Man, I like barbeque. One time I was in deep east Texas and had the best barbeque you can imagine at a road side stand and the coldest beer I ever drank.

Mark: Would anybody like a beer now - Monte's got some in the icebox here. Who all wants one?

David: Did y'all see my new boots? Ordered these from the catalog, official PRCA sponsored boots. You ought to try some. Make you rope better.

Monte: So, can everybody come Tuesday for a roping and barbeque?

Blaine: That boy ought not to get married. He's too young for that kind of responsibility.

Dan: What's that girl look like you were going to introduce me to anyway. I don't want to get hemmed up with any buckle bunnies.

Jerry: Speaking of buckles did I tell you all about the time I won first in the average at Mineral Wells and got this great buckle with genuine rubies and all on it?

Ed: Mama used to fix barbeque once in a while. Made the best potato salad. Were you thinking potato salad too?

Mark: This Coors Light is really good and cold. That mountain water sure makes a difference. Anybody need another? Monte's got plenty.

David: That new rope I got really works good. Endorsed by Woodard, and he sure knows ropes. Never missed today all on account of that new rope.

Monte: Somebody toting a purple rope behind me missed bigger than Dallas. Who could that have been?

Blaine: You take your chances toting a purple rope. You know people are on the look out since that movie came out. I guess I ought to be happy my boy wants to marry a woman.

Dan: Slats would buck me off if I even thought about using a purple rope when I was riding him. He is one smart horse and wouldn't stand for that. Tell me about that girl you're going to let meet me.

Jerry: I generally save that buckle for when I'm going dancing. It is one great babe magnet.

Ed: Mama cooked everything good, though. She made great pie. Were you thinking pie too?

Mark: Cold beer don't go with pie. What's the matter with you? If you're thinking barbeque you're going to have to restock this icebox. It's about empty. Anybody want another, we may as well polish off the last of this so he can have plenty of room for more.

David: What ever happened to the old cowboy movies with John Wayne, or Lee Marvin? Nobody would have given them a hard time no matter what color rope they were toting.

Monte: I'll be happy to restock the icebox and get the barbeque fixed if y'all will just tell me how many people to fix for.

Blaine: That gal my boy is marrying is sure a looker. If you could get somebody to introduce one like that to you it might be all right even if she was a buckle bunny.

Dan: If I was going to get married I'd want one of those horseback weddings. Don't y'all think I'd look great all dressed up on old Slats. I could try to get my bride a nice horse too.

Jerry: You could borrow my buckle for the wedding.

Ed: What would you have at the reception to eat? Barbeque is pretty messy for a wedding dress.

Mark: I got to go. You're plumb out of beer.

Everybody sauntered out of the barn, loaded their horses and pulled out. David of purple rope and PRCA boot fame was the only slow one and Monte nabbed him before he got away, hoping for a firm commitment.

David shrugged and said, "We'll just have to play it by ear."

© Julie Carter


Causes of Drought

by Larry Gabriel

There are many theories about the cause of drought. I don't know that it does any good to hear them, but there is one theory that we should ignore. That one is the theory that somebody actually knows the cause of such things.

The truth is that nobody knows. When it comes to how the earth's climate-impacting systems operate and interact with each other, what we actually know is like a drop in an ocean.

There is some circumstantial evidence from deep lake deposits, sand dune formations, and tree ring studies that there have been six major droughts in North America during the last 1,500 years (the drought of the 1930s being the last and least severe of those major droughts).

There is some evidence that major changes in climate (even significant shifts in sea levels) have occurred several times in the last thousand years and have done so in spans of less than 40 years.

There is some circumstantial evidence that solar flare cycles (which produce measurable "solar particle events" on earth) have some correlation to drought cycles.

We know a little bit about the carbon cycles, water cycles and the layers of the atmosphere, but we know very little about how solar events affect those things and almost nothing about how all of them interact with each other. We know very little about volcanic cycles below the oceans, which release unmeasured amounts of heat and chemicals that impact the other cycles.

I have seen many news stories asserting that "global warming" (a buzz term meaning man is doing it) is causing worse hurricanes, floods, droughts and forest fires. I have not seen a news story saying the sun might actually be the cause of global warming. Warming from the sun? What a novel idea!

Well, right now we happen to be in what the scientists call "cycle 23". Here is part of what the scientists at the 29th International Cosmic Ray Conference had to say about that…The trailing years of solar cycle 23 have provided some of the largest solar energetic particle (SEP) events of the last decade … The January 20, 2005 event was remarkable from several points of view. It was the largest ground-level event (GLE) measured in neutron monitors since 1956 [4], and had a very hard energy spectrum. It also was the most intense SEP event measured by NOAA’s GOES satellites in their 29-year history (1976-2005). Finally, this event had a risetime that was faster than any of the large SEP events (proton intensity >100/cm2sr-sec with energies >100 MeV) within the last 30 years.

According to NASA, "Variations over the 11-year solar cycle in the intensity of the Sun's electromagnetic output at some wavelengths significantly affect the chemistry, structure, and dynamics of the Earth's upper atmosphere. Longer-term solar variations may be linked to major shifts in the global climate."

Wouldn't it be interesting, if after 5,000 years of study, man were to discover only that the sun (not man) controls all life cycles on earth?

We do not know why droughts occur, but we can't change it anyway. Some think predicting droughts might be helpful, but our predictions are not that reliable anyway.

Mr. Gabriel is the South Dakota Secretary of Agriculture