Cowgirl Sass & Savvy

Cowboy compliments

 by Julie Carter

Ah yes, those silver-tongue devils of the range can offer such eloquence in their delivery of a comment that sometimes is even genuinely intended as a compliment. Honestly, they can’t help themselves. They are so full of humorous sarcasm for each other, any female that might get in the way is only fair game.

However, there is a train of thought among the women folk yoked to these charmers that perhaps the word combination “cowboy compliment” is an oxymoron of the Western kind. 

Seasonal weather seems to bring on trite quips that for whatever reason they just can’t seem to pass up.

“You don’t sweat much for a fat girl.”  Or “That ole gal is fat enough to keep me warm for the winter.” To which his wife would inquire if he thought she needed help in keeping him warm. “Not much, just occasionally,” he’d respond with blind arrogance.

Working cattle together is a notorious catalyst for the best, or worst, of their back-handed compliments.

“I worked those cows all by myself and couldn’t have gotten done it without Harley (the dog) and Elaine (the wife).”

Another cowboy from a completely different time zone, mentioned that Rita (the dog) and Lynn (the wife) were pretty good help. When asked why Rita got top billing, he quickly replied, “Because she’s a pretty smart dog.”

And always, there is the insulting insinuation that the horse he’s trying to sell is gentle but doesn’t know much because “He was a woman’s horse, you know.”

Inquiring after the cowboy’s “lovely wife” will get a dry-witted response of “You do know I’m married to Anna May, right?”

At the end of a long hard day of work, he’ll venture to risk his life by feigning sincerity and asking, “You’re all dirty. Did you fall down?”

Aging brings on another level of veiled “compliments” meant to entertain or insult and sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference. 

Telling the lady she looks good with wrinkles, I guarantee will not win her loyalty or affection. Not now, not ever. Mentioning that she “looks good for her age” isn’t heading in the right direction either. Then there is always a bold one in the crowd that will have the nerve to call the over-50 gal a “gray panther” and suggest her memory loss hasn’t affected her personality much.

Never one to not appreciate the ability of left-handed witty insult that leaves you laughing heartedly, I was recently told a story that may top the list. 

The rancher’s wife in all her daily work drudgery joined her husband who was visiting with a man that had just driven up to the ranch headquarters. The rancher introduced her saying, “Mark, this is my wife Diane.”  With her usual quippy sense of humor, Diane responded with an ornery grin as she shook the visitor’s hand, “Nice to meet you. And for the record, I’m his second wife, but obviously I’m the trophy wife.”

The visitor resumed leaning on the hood of the pickup where they had gathered to visit and rolled a toothpick around between his lips as he gave thought to his response. And then without missing a beat he said, “It does make you wonder what the first one looked like.”

Julie, an admirer of witty insults given or received, can be reached for comment at jcarternm@gmail.com.