Cowgirl Sass & Savvy

Herding turkeys

by Julie Carter

With the stealth of a Ninja fighter, the cowboy eased his way around the end of a 20-foot stock trailer, his tall frame hunkering down just far enough to stay out of sight of his prey.

In the flash of time it took for a single thought and with deadly precision he slammed the trailer gate closed. His job was done. The last turkey hen was loaded.

The yard at ranch headquarters had become home to a flock of wild turkeys, some that had been relocated to the spot and others that had just shown up. Through the laws of nature and procreation, their numbers had tripled.

These big birds roosted in the cottonwoods, perched on the vehicles, decimated the flower garden and left unpleasant reminders of their recent presence. A big event involving a lot of guests was in the planning so a turkey relocation program was "hatched" by the head cowboy.

Whereas the head cowboy can plan a major cattle working in a matter of hours, this project was going to take at least two weeks. With careful cunning, he began baiting the turkeys into the trailer by trailing feed down the length of its interior.

When the time came that he could get a few captured, which sounds easier than it was because as soon as they saw him several would fly out, he'd shut the gate and haul them to a grove of cottonwoods on the south end of the ranch.

This took three trips for 14 turkeys. The last trip was for a lone rebel bird that refused to be captured, inspiring a new level of a stalking-capture mode.

I missed the photo opportunity of the year - a cowboy hauling one turkey in a 20-foot gooseneck trailer. While it truly needed to be done, the very idea of it takes the cowboy image to a new low. On the upside, it certainly became fodder for moments of hilarity as the tale was told and retold.

During a recent discussion of the turkey-herding incident, it was mentioned that the turkeys had returned to their first home one night last week. The return just happened to coincide with the arrival of a new grandchild whose parents also reside at the ranch.

While the incident could seem somewhat mystical and the oh's and ah's momentarily sustained the coincidence, the reality was hard and cold. It was pointed out these were notoriously dumb drown-in-a-rainstorm turkeys - not baby-delivering storks.

In looking for a, perhaps, positive use for the turkeys besides Thanksgiving dinner and turkey sandwiches, it was suggested that they be painted white. And if a process of launching them could be engineered, they then could be used at an upcoming wedding instead of white doves. The suggestion brought a look on the bride-to-be's face that could only be interpreted to mean that this wouldn't happen in her lifetime.

Another response to the jovial turkey herding story came from a poetic friend who deemed it wiser to mail the freshly penned words rather than deliver in person. He wrote:

The Gobblers Shuda Went to Town
Darn bro...
I heard u was a turkey man.
A turkey man what am!
U shuda brung dem
turkeys to 'querque
We'd a put'um in a pot
an eat'um onda spot.
Yup...them turkey's uda
stayed right here in 'querque

Okay, it's not Whitman or Emerson but it is funny all things considered.

The next story I'm waiting for is the response of the saddle horses when they are asked to get in that same trailer. Horses are funny about loading up in trailers that have hauled anything other than a horse or a cow. Try loading one after a hog hauling.

Julie can be reached for comment at jcarternm@gmail.com