Vegetarians are always bragging about how
much healthier a meat-free diet is and about famous vegetarians like
Cesar Chavez, Twiggy and Michelangelo. They never mention that Hitler
was a vegetarian and that people like Beethoven, Helen Keller, John
Wayne and Abe Lincoln ate meat.
They’re always proclaiming that
veg-heads are healthier than meat eaters without any hard evidence to
prove it. Now comes a study that says that eating a vegetarian diet is
not only NOT as healthy for the body, it can more often lead to mental
deficiencies as well.
Soy is evidently not the savior after
all, according to the University of Graz in Austria where they reviewed
health interview surveys in Austria and in Europe. Those surveys showed
that vegetarians are unhealthier and more mentally-disabled than meat
eaters.
But we already knew that, didn’t we?
Anyone who enjoys a chunk of tofu more than a ribeye steak or a juicy
hamburger is missing a few taste buds, if you ask me. According to the
study, vegetarians are more often ill, have a lower quality of life than
meat eaters, have more heart attacks and are a greater burden on the
health care system. Study coordinator, Nathalie Burkert, told the
Austrian Times, “We did find that vegetarians suffer more from certain
conditions like asthma, cancer and mental illnesses than people that eat
meat.”
Because I’m concerned about the well
being of my vegetarian friends I came up with an earthshaking concept.
Just as vegetarians created knockoff meat products, we should turn the
tables (or at least the dinner table) and make fake vegetables out of
beef. After all, turnabout is fair play. Instead of chowing down on
synthetic turkey called Tofurky, how does fake Tofurky made with real
beef sound? We can call it Beefurkey. (Remind me to apply for a patent.)
And our hamburger eggplant won’t make you gag or queasy to look at
either. I wish you could see the counterfeit rutabagas I made from beef
in my test kitchen. Believe me, they look a lot more delectable than
their attempts at counterfeit bacon made with bean curds. Yuck!
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