SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE WESTERNER

Creative cowboy math

By Julie Carter

Every now and then someone forces the cowboy to do a little scratchin' on paper.

He'll call it a tally sheet and prefers to keep his figuring on his left hand glove or the right leg of his chaps.

For the purpose of this story, I'll target the team ropers. Don't worry; they are used to the abuse.

If someone with a bookkeeping background were to put the ropers "figgers" on paper, it would read something like "Income and Expense Statement, Profit Center: Competition Roping."

The expense column would have a long list of "must haves" that total to a shocking number that the cowboy will qualify with "estimate only - exact records are not important." It is hard to tell which comes first, the rope, the horse or the rig. They are listed here in no particular order of importance.

Expense:

Top-notch #1 winning rope horse $10,000

Back-up practice horse $9,500

Three-horse slant aluminum trailer $30,000

Two-seater truck to pull trailer $40,000

Ten practice Corrientes $5,000

Worthless Blue Heeler dog named Radar $200

Arena to practice and socialize in $5,000

Hydraulic chute (cheaper than a divorce) $3,500

Roping school with Nat'l Finals winner $700

Different roping school with good teacher $700

Entry fees (to date) $900

Equipment upgrade:

· New saddle $1,200

· EXTREME go and slow bit, $125

· Polyethylene urethane no-pressure saddle pad, $125

· A box of "no miss" ropes $250

Image enhancement:

· Space-age biothane tie down $20

· Straw hat (came with full-size George Strait pic) $70

· Headstall with turquoise $200

Total estimated expense $116,490

Income:

First in the average at Mineral Wells, Texas, 3:14 p.m., Sunday, May 1, 2006 $228

Picture frame (gift from admirer) $0

Total income (exact figure) $228

Of course this doesn't take any depreciation into account including the much depreciated wife who tries to keep up with it all.

Roping - what used to be a poor-boy sport - no longer is.

In Texas, where anything can happen and usually does, the classier covered arenas are now offering golf tournaments in conjunction with their ropings. One arena has a swimming pool, two restaurants, a western store, basketball court and is adding a softball field.

It is hard to find an arena in that area that you would recognize as such - built with 2" x 12" boards and used bull wire.

You cannot go to a roping in an open top trailer, single seat pickup and a ranch horse-you would not be allowed in the gate even if you could whup the entire list of entries. You won't find a single gunny sack girth in the bunch of them.

In spite of the math, every rodeo ground in America will be covered over in trucks, trailers, hats, and swinging ropes this July 4th holiday. Its Cowboy Christmas time and the cowboys are on the road 24/7 trying to win their share of the loot.

I'd like to designate the Fourth of July as "Be kind to a rodeo cowboy" holiday. They don't all win, they can't all afford it but they all love it with a passion only they feel and no one understands.

When the rodeo cowboy lays his hat on his heart in honor of the American flag, let us tip our hats to them for being an enduring part of American history.

Even the team ropers.

© Julie Carter 2006


The Country Doctor

by Larry Gabriel

Country doctors are not a thing of the past, but I have not seen much publicity about these unsung heroes of rural America.

Most of the world probably thinks there are no doctors who still make houses call in the middle of the night, do what needs doing and send you a reasonable bill at the end of the month.

They don't come out of medical school with the normal six figure income of most doctors. Many begin their careers in jobs that pay about $50 thousand dollars a year. Their mean salary is about $75 thousand a year.

They don't fit the rich doctor stereotype, partly because they can't afford it. They don't live in mansions, just a normal house. They don't drive a Mercedes, just a pickup truck (and quite often one with a lot of dents in it). They don't care about that stuff anyway.

Quite often they are the most highly educated person in a small town, but they normally don't become president of the social clubs or school boards. They are too busy making those emergency calls for routine fees.

They don't have the same prestige as a country club pediatrician, nor even the same dress and mannerisms in most cases. You rarely see their picture in the paper, but fame is not their goal anyway.

Maybe all this is related to the oath they are required to take:

Being admitted to the profession of veterinary medicine, I solemnly swear to use my scientific knowledge and skills for the benefit of society through the protection of animal health, the relief of animal suffering, the conservation of animal resources, the promotion of public health, and the advancement of medical knowledge. I will practice my profession conscientiously, with dignity, and in keeping with the principles of veterinary medical ethics. I accept as a lifelong obligation the continual improvement of my professional knowledge and competence.

When you think about it, it is really quite amazing that these people invest close to a hundred thousand dollars and twenty years in an education and move to rural America. There are only 27 veterinary medical schools in the United States. It is more difficult to get into one of them than it is to get into a normal medical school.

Yet, after all their struggle, work and time invested, they still come to the middle of the prairie to be a country vet. Many are known simply as "Doc".

The next time you see "Doc", you might want to let him (or her) know just how much we appreciate what they passed up just to share life with us on the prairies of Dakota.

They could have chosen the money in medicine, but they chose a life instead of a lifestyle.

Larry Gabriel is the South Dakota Secretary of Agriculture


Received via email:

THE YEAR 1906

The year is 1906.
One hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes!
Here are some of the U.S. statistics for the Year 1906:


The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years.

Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.

There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California.

With a mere 1.4 million people, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!

The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents per hour.

The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births in the US. took place at HOME.

Ninety percent of all U.S. doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION! Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as "substandard."

Sugar cost four cents a pound.

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.

Five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii, and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.

The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!!!!

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea hadn't been invented yet.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two out of every 10 U.S. adults couldn't read or write.

Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."

Eighteen percent of households in the U.S. had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.

There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A.!