McCain, Clinton Act On Global Warming Senator John McCain took time off from his presidential campaign today to announce the passage of the McCain-Clinton bill to end global warming. "My friends," said McCain, "it was high time that someone reached across the aisle and brought people together on this important issue. I am proud to announce the beginning of the end to global warming. My friend, Hillary Clinton, and I have tackled this tough issue in the true spirit of bi-partisanship." The revolutionary new bill includes measures to fine cattle ranchers up to $25,000.00 per incident for excessive cow flatulence, mandatory purchase of florescent light bulbs by everyone in the US by January 2009, and the end of daylight savings time. A addendum by Senator Ted Kennedy to make it illegal for the sun to shine in certain parts of Florida between 12 PM and 2 PM was dropped from the bill to ensure its passage because of fervent opposition by Christian evangelicals who objected on theological grounds. The bill calls for the creation of The Bureau of Weather Control with an initial cost of 20.3 billion dollars with facilities to be located in Arizona and New York. "This bill will be revenue neutral," promised McCain. "Initial costs will be recouped by the imposition of fines on dairy farmers and ranchers and people who do not comply with the florescent light bulb provision of the new law. The abolition of daylight savings time will serve to stop global warming by having one less hour of daylight and sunshine for a large part of every year. The economy will flourish because this bill creates 20,000 new government jobs for people to inspect cow anuses and light bulb sockets." (satire)