Cowgirl Sass & Savvy

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The Christmas letter not to write

Julie Carter

The weenie dog in the tutu leisurely leaning back on a sofa pillow did it for me.

Over-the-top Christmas greetings have gone, literally, to the dogs, cats, horses and even a parakeet.

I know it is the season and all that, but geeez Louise, have people gotten that desperate for a life to share? In reading some of them, I wonder why they haven't died of boredom.

It is my belief that a Christmas letter is intended to catch the reader up on the year's highlights, provided there are some, in the life of the sender.

Somehow that has gotten to be such a chore that there are now tutorials on how to write a proper Christmas letter.

These lessons come with tips, suggestions and the inference that bragging isn't really acceptable.

We've all gotten at least one like this:

Sara, 8, has the lead in our community play, Aaron, 10, was recently voted the most gifted and talented child in school and now that Emily is 3, she's started reading. Between ferrying the kids around to school, church and extracurricular activities, Beth gave birth to our fourth child in September. He's already beginning to crawl! Howard has been promoted to CEO of the World. We took three vacations last year to tropical paradises (see photos).

There is no doubt in my mind that the budding Rhodes Scholars and Julliard graduates are in all honesty, just average kids leaving their underwear on the bathroom floor every time they shower, never flushing the toilet and whining when they have to unload the dishwasher.

Mentioning births, deaths, marriages and relocations are quite important, but not if that involves only the pets and not the people.

My favorites are the ones that provide a laugh while the writer laughs at himself:

Tom here! Wow, 2008 has shaped up to be one of those years for the Shoemaker family. So much has happened that it's hard to know where to begin. First, there was that business with the IRS; then the trial, wherein a co-worker's husband accused me of adultery, followed by my third arrest for DUI. And all that happened before June!!

Finding a way to bring interest to a "quiet" life isn't easy, but sharing the lackluster does nothing to quicken the holiday heart of the receiver.

If your story leaves you flat, it won't look any better to the reader on the other end. Make no apologies, just don't write it. Perhaps a Hallmark card is your best bet to "send your very best."

Know when to quit. If someone hasn't sent you a Christmas greeting for three years, take them off your list.

You can tell yourself they are too busy to write, but who are you fooling? They are wondering how long before you take the hint.

Now don't get me wrong, and you will, but here it is. I love my pets. You love your pets. However, you aren't required to love mine any more than I will love yours, most of whom I have never met.

Honestly folks, and I say this at the risk of not hearing from many of you ever again, that Chihuahua has no idea why you dressed him up in that stupid Santa suit for a photo.

Keeping that in mind, if I ever start writing Christmas letters that are signed with the name of my pets, paw prints included, and in the body of the letter, I discuss their annual veterinary needs and issues, just shoot me.

If I talk about the highlight of my year’s work as being the installation of new ceiling fans and how good the new tin looks on the old trailer house, just shoot me.

There is a reason my Christmas letters are mostly family photos. Those, indeed, are worth a thousand words and none of them a lie. We really are hillbillies!

Julie hasn't yet created her 2008 Christmas letter that will contain shameless self-promotion of her new book, Cowboys -You Gotta Love 'em, found through her Web site at www.julie-carter.com.