Cowgirl Sass & Savvy

Unappreciated gifts come in all shapes

Julie Carter

In this season, just past the giving frenzy of December, there remain those things that were gifted with a subtle message.

The gift and message are not always appreciated with the same humorous sentiment with which they were given.

Ranch wives across the West are dutifully using their new Christmas double-bit axes to break ice on water troughs while the frozen January winds carry their muttered retorts to empty spaces.

Others are marveling over their new set of wire stretchers for fixing hot wire fences that came with an immediate demonstration on how to use them.

Then there is the new mop bucket, an upgrade complete with wheels.

One cowboy carefully counts the number of folks he plans to give a gift to and then purchases that same number of pairs of socks.

He buys equal amounts of small, medium and large and tells each recipient, "If they don't fit, trade them with someone."

Living dangerously or with a credible amount of stupidity - sometimes with cowboys it's hard to tell the difference - one such fellow gave his wife a new set of bathroom scales for Christmas.

Years later, she is still pointing out to him that perhaps he should use them himself as he has reached the appearance of someone about to give birth to twins.

Lex Graham, cartoonist and Western artist, offered his brand of humor with a drawing of a goofy-looking kid with his cap on sideways opening presents and his father talking to his mother saying "I got him that one - it's a job application."

Unappreciated gifts are not exclusive to Christmas. In fact, when cowboys are involved, the gifting continues in the form of joking fun throughout the year and paybacks become an ongoing effort working toward that moment that the recipient least expects it.

The United States Team Roping Championships (USTRC) has a 100,000-plus membership roster.

Their classification system handicaps ropers with a numbering system based on a collection of data on each one that creates a performance profile.

The object, always, is to provide everyone, regardless of age or ability, the fair and equal opportunity to compete.

Renumbering of ropers is an ongoing process and the ropers can find a new USTRC number card in their mailbox at any time.

Keeping in mind that the folks at the USTRC are cowboys and cowgirls first, the opportunity for a little practical joke didn't get by them.

Blonde Sally is ever alert to the possibility of get-evens from her friend and roper Jess.

It started a couple years ago when he gifted her with a bottle of Geritol.

A few months later, he worked some friends into the script and had them "secretly" reveal to Sally that Jess is a retired DEA agent and not unlikely to shoot somebody if necessary.

Dutiful in her job at the USTRC, Sally listed Jess' occupation as Disabled Elderly American, batting her eyelashes with an innocent "Isn't that what it stands for?" look.

Plotting for good get-evens is never ending and most recently, Jess opened his mail from the USTRC to see a new number card bumping him from a #4 to a #7.

While a bit of prestige comes with being such an elite roper as a #7, it also limits the roping options for the everyday amateur roper, and Jess was mortified at the possibility of never being welcome again at Mineral Wells.

He'd been set up. Sally called Jess' wife and had her retrieve the "real" numbering card that followed the joke card and requested a report of "reaction" to come.

When Jess called the USTRC office to plead his case, the crew, in fun, put him on hold, and indefinitely passed him from person to person.

Sally eventually assured him that contrary to his legendary view of himself, being a #1 in this case, was not the top of the list, but the very bottom.

Furthermore, giving him a #10 would have allowed him to think he was a real "hottie" among ropers, also not an option.

It was evident that the USTRC number was quickly becoming about ego, not about skill.

As a disclaimer, names have been changed to protect the guilty and the USTRC office staff and organization are completely blameless for any inference that the business is anything but credible. Find Julie through her website www.julie-carter.com .