Stimulus spending causes irritated bowel syndrome

Harold Harmon is a very wise and funny man. He writes:

Today, class, we will discuss the success of the $787 BILLION stimulus bill. This bill is our government's gift to all of us to jerk our economy off the bottom-feeder list. First, a little perspective. A billion is a bunch of dollars. Therefore, $787 billion is 787 times as many dollars. Second, we need to fully understand the meaning of stimulus. The dictionary defines stimulus as: a goad, sting, torment, pang, spur, incentive: 1 — something that rouses or incites to action or increased action; incentive: 2 — any action or agent that causes or changes an activity in an organism, organ, or part, as something that excites an end organ, starts a nerve impulse, activates a muscle, etc. What we have, then, is a bunch of money intended to do good things and help people. Tremendous in theory, not so much in reality. IF YOU READ or watch the news, you probably know about the list of projects financed by the stimulus spending. If you know about it, we’ll pause here while you puke. If you somehow don’t know about it, read on. These items are a matter of public record...

Mr. Harmon does propose a stimulus project of his own, and as it turns out, it is one I can wholeheartedly endorse:

An industrial-strength cattle prod judiciously applied to sensitive areas of the government goons who dreamed up this stimulus spending.