In 1535, Francisco Coronado brought cows into what is now the United States. He crossed the border 40 miles south of Benson, Ariz., with horses and cows. Some think he went as far as Kansas. Looking for a good veterinarian, I guess.
In the ensuing five centuries, the domestic bovine has mooed itself into virtually every county in the western hemisphere. But, for the sake of our initial question, what if we had been conquered by marauding Latvians, Amazonian dart blowers or a powerful vegetarian brokerage firm in Fiji who did not bring cattle into the country and/or prohibited their importation?
My first observation is, there would be no Big Macs! Beef, milk and cheese might not be available in abundance. Would we have tried to domesticate deer, buffalo, elk, wild goats or moose? We’d hear, “Pork, it’s what’s for dinner!” “Where’s the Mutton?” “Goat, the other white meat!” “Got okra?” and “Certified Angus Drumstick.”
“I’ll have a fungus burger with shredded Styrofoam and a side of those Thistle Poppers.”
“Does your horsemeat pudding come with splashguards? I’ll have some cold mutton gravy with hair in it.”
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