Baxter Black: Cows' stupidity, intelligence relative

I watched Will trying to entice a small bunch of cows through an open gate by baiting them with protein pellets. The last two cows could not find the gate. After three back-tracks, he finally coaxed them through.

“It’s frustrating,” he said. “My dad told me cows are stupid; that’s why we eat them.”

I thought that was philosophical genius. Right there in front of our eyes, akin to Columbus suddenly realizing Earth was round, or a 6-year-old discovering he can burp on command.

One of those moments when a person sees there really is a master plan in the universe.

However, I hear story after story about men trying to outsmart cows.

Temple Grandin has built a fine reputation defining and manipulating cow behavior. But her techniques do not depend on a cow’s intelligence.

The design of her cattle-handling facilities could also be used in bottling plants, air-conditioning ducts and irrigation systems. It’s all about flow.

It is true we can use fear, temperament or food to get cows to do as we ask. Dairymen have perfected the system. They lure one cow to come into the parlor and stanchion with grain, and the rest of the cows follow.

They learn the system, but hunger is the instinctive reason they come, not intelligence.

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