Cowgirl Sass & Savvy

Romantics of the range

 by Julie Carter

“Put another log on the fire; cook me up some bacon and some beans.  Now don't I let you wash the car on Sunday? Don't I warn you when you're gettin fat?”

Those lines are from the old favorite cowboy song sung by Tompall Glaser on the album, “Outlaws” by the Outlaw band. In their own endearing way, rural men really do believe the basics of life are measures of love. 

My dad took my mom on their honeymoon to a high mountain lake camping and fishing. They packed in horseback in the beauty of summer in the Sangre de Cristos. Only downer for the event was the couple of other relatives dad invited to come along with them.

The Outlaw song continues: “Ain't I a-gonna take you fishin' with me someday? Well, a man can't love a woman more than that.”

A ranch wife will be tickled plumb pink to get a new vacuum cleaner for Valentine’s Day.  A big heart crafted from baling wire is about as tender as the moment will ever get.

I know a gal who books herself and her husband in for a teeth cleaning every Valentine’s Day. “Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a plaque-less kiss,” she says.

Ranch marriages that survive that 50 year mark have a unique sense of romance to them. One old rancher had to have new rings made for his wife. She had worn out two sets already.  It was important to her but not a big deal to him.

His daughter begged him to be “sweet” when he presented her with the new set, since she was going to be sad that her old ones couldn’t be fixed. The jeweler boxed up the rings in a pretty box and the rancher took them to his beloved along with a little poem he wrote:

Maggie, with this ring, I, thee wed...

But I wouldn't have....

If I hadn't of...

Already have....

“There,”  he said. “That was romantic wasn’t it?”

The long lists of “you might be a redneck if” one liners are hilarious only because they are so very true. Occasionally one will refer to Redneck Romance and even come with a poem with stanzas so sincerely endearing:

“Yore hair is like corn silk
a-flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.”

It’s been said that the perfect romantic redneck card says it all by simply saying “Honey, I love you more than beer.” This from those romantic guys that define quality entertainment as having a six pack and a bug zapper and consider “The Farmer’s Almanac”  deep reading.

As the Outlaw song continues:

“So, put another log on the fire.
Cook me up some bacon and some beans.

And go out to the car, lift it up and change the tire.
Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.”

A man can’t love a woman more than that!

Julie can be reached for comment at jcarternm@gmail.com