Cowgirl Sass & Savvy

All in the name of woman’s work

 by Julie Carter

Chauvinist is a cowboy word. You won't hear them say it, and most likely, without a little help, they can't spell it. However, they live it with a subtlety that defies description.

In the heart and mind of a cowboy, there is a long list of things that fall under the category of “woman's work” and even if they have to be sneaky about it, they are determined to make it her job, forever.

One of the most common frailties he will portray, almost diabolically, is his inability to shop for anything that doesn't involve horses, cattle, roping or tools for his shop.

A well-traveled worldly type of cowboy I know has navigated remote ranches, big cities that even include San Antonio, South America, Europe, Canada and Japan. He cannot possibly find the toothpaste hidden in some aisle at Walmart.

This results in a pitiful situation where his bride does all the shopping even if he has just made a trip to town himself.

To further this travesty, he promotes his innocent lack of understanding about shopping by offering to help unload the groceries if she'll just wait an hour while he finishes his urgent task of, oh say, riding his horse.

Meanwhile, with milk, frozen food and perishables standing by, his bride knows he'll be right along as soon as everything is safely put away.

The same principal of innocence is offered if the cowboy has his eye set on a new horse that he is sure he needs to buy for his string.

Justification comes via generosity.

He will gift his bride with one of his current horses under the auspices of her needing an upgrade. He is more than willing to part with one of his prize steeds to help her out. That leaves him one horse short, and almost magically, a replacement will appear.

Sometimes this plotted horse trade will take months because his bride is not as thrilled with the idea as he seems to be. Often it means trading off her old dependable, trustworthy horse to some needy relative who simply cannot do without him. Again, the idea was his.

The trade often involves old women or children to add to the tender nature of the generosity. Tactfully, he will make his bride feel obligated to part with the security of her old horse for the betterment of mankind.

Cowboys and computers find a love-hate relationship where he cannot possibly pull up the bank statement for reconciliation but for a couple years has been able to navigate ropinghorses.com with a knowledgeable dexterity.

The same guy that can mix complicated chemical formulas to spray brush and crops, and even fly the plane to put it on the land, will deny any ability to run a lawnmower, grocery cart, and certainly not the washing machine, dishwasher or microwave.

In the interest of full disclosure, the cowboy hero does offer some redeeming qualities. In the kitchen, he is totally willing to be in complete charge of Quality Control.  That entails sampling everything once, sometimes twice, and most often in the case of pies.

Recently, this worldly braniac cowboy claimed to not to know how to put out the mouse D-con in the barn. Some things just are not worth the fight.

Julie can be reached for comment at jcarternm@gmail.com.