Sunday, November 08, 2015

Baxter Black - What the auctioneer is really saying

John B and I were discussing how hard it must be for an auctioneer to say somethin’ good about every thing that walks through a sale barn ring. For the novice, we offer the following explanations for these rather ambiguous descriptions.

“AIN’T SHE THE MAMA KIND!” (If you ain’t got a good sortin’ alley or a horse and a long rope, you better not try and get close to her calf!)

“THESE STEERS WILL GROW IN THE NIGHT!” (You’ve never seen a pen of chronic bloaters?)

“WATCH THIS RING! THE NEXT CATTLE IN MIGHT BE YOURS!” (This is a handful of auctioneer buybacks that have been bunched together and are goin’ through a second or third time!)

“THESE ARE THE CATTLE YOU BEEN LOOKIN’ FOR!” (They slipped through your fence that first week and were raised by your neighbor!)

“SHE’S THE RIGHT KIND!” (Remember, that was your first impression of Donald Trump!)

“MAKE YA LOOK GOOD!” (And stupid!)

“SOLID MOUTHED AND FAT!” (Barren cows are always fat!)

“THESE HEIFERS’LL TURN YOUR MONEY GREEN!” (Yer face red, yer hair gray and yer banker blue!)

“YA DON’T SEE ‘EM LIKE THIS ANYMORE!” (Thank goodness! I thought dwarfism went out with smallpox!)

No comments: