Sunday, October 02, 2016
Cowgirl Sass & Savvy
by Julie Carter
Joe Bob is an interesting character in his own right. He enjoys his happy hick persona to the limit and is all cowboy but with a real job to support his cowboy lifestyle.
Working for the local feed, seed, baby chickens, ducks and puppies store, Joe Bob is something of an expert in all the aforementioned categories. He also supplements his income by day working at different outfits and caring for wheat pasture cattle in the winter.
Joe Bob tells non-stop goofy stories about his hillbilly relatives. He keeps his valuables in a little kid’s tin lunch box in the floorboard of his truck saying they might get stolen if he leaves them in the house. This includes his “paw’s” antique .22 saddlebag gun, horse papers, the house papers, truck title and his high school ring.
Joe Bob’s friend since childhood is Clint. They split the rent for a couple years until Clint discovered all the benefits that came with having a wife and proceeded to select one.
One morning before the wife came into the picture, they woke up and found their hats fit “hangover” tight. After some serious discussion they decided that maybe they should eat more vegetables other than hops, corn and tobacco.
They didn’t want to go plumb off the deep end and cook anything – the gut grenades and belly-washer drinks at the local Quik Stop were filling most of the requirements for gourmet meals. After considering all their options in the health food line they decided on a cantaloupe.
Since they could get that at the stand by the side of the road next to the roping arena, everything worked out well. When they got home with their purchase they decided it might be a little green so they put it in a bowl and put it in the icebox. That was in 2002.
The next time they thought about health food was in 2003. The cantaloupe was still in the icebox but they donated it to the coon who hunted over the pasture fence. They cleaned out the icebox with a little kerosene and decided maybe health food was over rated.
Wally is another of Job Bob’s buddies. A few years back the two were at a mega-big roping and as both were very new to the sport, they had no clue what was going on and how things worked. They’d made a pact that if either saw the other doing something really stupid they would tell each other. That would avoid the embarrassment in front of their soon to be peers.
Joe Bob drew up first. “Wally, you remember what we said about if we saw the other doing something really dumb we would say so?” Wally nodded his recollection.
“I see you got some of those really high-dollar skid boots on your horse tonight,” Joe Bob said. Wally nodded. “You know those belong on the back feet of your horse?” Joe Bob asked.
But Wally’s logic was simple. “I know they are supposed to go on the back feet, but this damn horse won’t let me put them on his back feet and they cost me $55. Any time I blow $55 on something for a horse, he’s going to wear it somewhere. If he hadn’t let me put them on his front feet he was going to have to wear them on his ears.”
Wally roped all evening in that manner, giving stern looks to anyone that glanced his way in question. No one said a thing.
Cowboy banter is basic, honest and always entertaining. Conversations run fast and in many directions -- like the one about Kathy the Bling Bling Queen from Right Smack Out of the Crack, Oklahoma.
You just can’t make this stuff up. It just wouldn’t be believable.
Julie can be reached for comment at firstname.lastname@example.org