Sunday, January 01, 2017

Lee Pitts - Phony Food

Vegetarians are always bragging about how much healthier a meat-free diet is and about famous vegetarians like Cesar Chavez, Twiggy and Michelangelo. They never mention that Hitler was a vegetarian and that people like Beethoven, Helen Keller, John Wayne and Abe Lincoln ate meat.

They’re always proclaiming that veg-heads are healthier than meat eaters without any hard evidence to prove it. Now comes a study that says that eating a vegetarian diet is not only NOT as healthy for the body, it can more often lead to mental deficiencies as well.

Soy is evidently not the savior after all, according to the University of Graz in Austria where they reviewed health interview surveys in Austria and in Europe. Those surveys showed that vegetarians are unhealthier and more mentally-disabled than meat eaters.

But we already knew that, didn’t we? Anyone who enjoys a chunk of tofu more than a ribeye steak or a juicy hamburger is missing a few taste buds, if you ask me. According to the study, vegetarians are more often ill, have a lower quality of life than meat eaters, have more heart attacks and are a greater burden on the health care system. Study coordinator, Nathalie Burkert, told the Austrian Times, “We did find that vegetarians suffer more from certain conditions like asthma, cancer and mental illnesses than people that eat meat.”

Because I’m concerned about the well being of my vegetarian friends I came up with an earthshaking concept. Just as vegetarians created knockoff meat products, we should turn the tables (or at least the dinner table) and make fake vegetables out of beef. After all, turnabout is fair play. Instead of chowing down on synthetic turkey called Tofurky, how does fake Tofurky made with real beef sound? We can call it Beefurkey. (Remind me to apply for a patent.) And our hamburger eggplant won’t make you gag or queasy to look at either. I wish you could see the counterfeit rutabagas I made from beef in my test kitchen. Believe me, they look a lot more delectable than their attempts at counterfeit bacon made with bean curds. Yuck!

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