...Dear StyleMaster, Are lace-up cowboy boots in fashion or not? Signed, Conflicted.
Dear Conflicted, I'm glad you asked
because this is something I have strong feelings about. While it's okay
for a cowboy to wear lace-ups while he's fixing fence, washing dishes,
or feeding cows, a real cowboy never wears lace-ups while riding a
horse. I know from personal experience that as you're being drug over
rocks, tumbleweeds and cactus because one of your lace ups is stuck in
the stirrup of a runaway horse, you don't really have time to untie your
shoes.
Yo, what's up? I was trippin' on a rodeo
on my iPhone and saw one of the saddle bronc dudes was wearing a
necktie. What's up with that? It makes as much sense as surfers wearing
ties. Signed, Strangled in Santa Monica
Dear Strangled, I feel your pain. While
it's true that many years ago some cowboys actually wore neckties to
work and at rodeos instead of wild rags, it is NOT a fashion trend we
need to revisit or encourage. After all, we are cowboys, not
accountants. What's next, Ralph Lauren sheets in the bunkhouse?
Dear Fashionista Friend, Do the old rules still apply as to when to wear your felt and when to switch to a straw? Joe Stetson
Dear Joe, are you any relation to John B.? If so, do you have any free samples? I'm size 7 1/4.
Anyway, back to your question. Have you
seen the prices for felt hats lately? I don't care what month it is you
should never wear a $400 hat to work if it's going to get dusty, sweaty,
squirted with blood or manure. Or stolen. As Lyle Lovett says, "You can
have my girl but don't touch my hat."
Of far more importance than when to wear a
hat is the width of its brim. As a general rule, the uglier the face,
the bigger the brim in order to hide the face. I myself wear a Mexican
sombrero big enough to shade me and my ugly horse.
Dear StyleMaster, I notice that names on
the back of cowboy belts are out of fashion while bling is in. Will
names ever come back on the back of belts? If not, do you know any
leatherworker who wants to buy a thousand dollars worth of alphabet
stamps? Signed, Belt Maker in Billings
Dear Belted, The first thing I think when
I see a cowboy wearing lots of bling is the guy is a little light in
the loafers. Save those letter stamps because names on belts will
definitely come back because there was a darn good reason we put names
on the back of cowboy belts.
Being a cowboy means you ride a lot of
horses, not all of them broke. This means a cowboy will invariably
become a sky pilot, being bucked to the moon and back. Nine times out of
ten he'll land on a big pile of rocks and his body will be misshapen,
blood oozing from every orifice, arms and legs snapped in two, and nose,
lips and ears found in locations on the face where they shouldn't be.
In many cases the cowboy is unrecognizable. So you roll him over, look
at the back of his belt and proclaim, "Yup, I thought so. It's Roy."
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