Thursday, July 13, 2017

Labor Unions Are Now Filing Grievances Against Goats

A major union is rallying its supporters to battle the latest job-stealing enemy: goats. The American Federation of State, County, and Municipal Employees (AFSCME) and the University of Michigan have had a well-established working relationship with each other for years. But this is largely because the labor union holds a contract with the school, barring it from hiring non-AFSCME members for various positions. Landscaping is among the many career fields supported by the union and is actually at the center of this latest controversy. While the university has traditionally employed AFSCME landscapers to tend to the school’s outdoor grass-trimming needs during the summer, the school has —albeit on accident— gone a different route this season and union members are anything but pleased. Blame It on the Livestock Tasked with clearing poisonous brush and overgrown vegetation that is both extremely difficult for humans to remove and all the more plentiful in the summer months, the university decided to utilize goats to get the job done. Renting a team of 20 goats from local residents, the livestock were expected to complete the 15-acre clearing job before students returned to campus in the fall. But the goats exceeded all expectations and instead of completing the job by the end of the summer, they fulfilled their task in a matter of weeks. Since the goats had been rented for the season and were still in the care of the university, they were allowed to graze on campus property after they had finished clearing the overgrowth. While this was not the campus’ original intent, this grazing allowed the goats to feed themselves while the university received a cost-effective lawn mowing service on campus. But not all parties saw this cheap labor as a win/win for the campus community. As animals, the goats themselves were not privy to the terms of the AFSCME’s contract with the school and made the grave error of eating grass that existed outside of the designated 15-acre clearing area. Unfortunately, trimming grass on campus property is a job-protected in the labor union’s contract with the university, making these goats “scabs” in the eyes of the AFSCME...more


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

If this is considered a labor issue, the next thing that's gonna happen is the labor board demanding that the goats get an hour lunch break for eight hours of 'mowing'.

The 'employer' will get fined if the goats are seen 'working' during what is supposed to be their lunch break.

And affirmative action groups will establish a hiring quota requirement for nubians, boers and alpines.

It will also be required that a 'gender neutral' restroom policy be in place be so that wethers - depending on whether they indentify as a buck or a doe - can use the restroom of their choice.