Sunday, July 09, 2017

Lee Pitts: Mr. You-Know-Who

Pardon me but I'd like to use this column to take care of a little correspondence I'm behind on. My friend, who we'll call Mr. You-Know-Who, has a bevy of ranching brothers scattered from one end of the Great Basin through Utah and into Wyoming. I thoroughly enjoyed meeting a couple of You-Know-Who's brothers and I'd like to meet Tom in Wyoming because I've never met anyone from Wyoming I didn't like. They have such great people there and I don't know if it's the water they drink or because they're so spread out.

I know You-Know-Who's cowboy brothers read this column and they'll know who I'm referring to. Rather than using up a roll of stamps to send them this important message I'll just take care of it in one fell swoop without having to buy any stamps.

I think You-Know-Who is the only one of the family who doesn't ranch, although he sure looks good in the cowboy hat I gave him and he's got a Catahoula cross dog that certainly shows signs of being cowy. You-Know-Who is the most easy-going, even-tempered person I've ever met. I won't tell you exactly how old he is because that would be rude. I'll just say he's spent at least eight decades on this spinning orb we call home. Although he looks about 60.

Because Mr. You-Know-Who is so amicable and easy-going I was surprised when he told me he'd just got home from reading the riot act to his eye doctor. He said he'd given him a good dose of both barrels. It was so out of character of him, so I asked why. It seems after you reach a certain age in my state it becomes necessary to have a written statement from an eye doctor saying that you see good enough to drive at night. I guess they don't care if you can't see in the daytime. Maybe that's why they put all the braille on the steering wheels of cars and trucks.

You-Know-Who took the form to his eye doctor to get it signed but didn't take the time right then to read it...

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