Attention wealthy widows, leftover 1960
hippies, greedy multi-national corporations with a guilt complex and
other politically correct people with too much time and money on their
hands…
First of all a word of
congratulations on helping us lock up the entire western United States.
Thanks to your efforts all the forests and grasslands will now be
managed by the same people who brought you the EPA, IRS, BLM and the
Congress of these United States.
Just
because we have locked up and shut down the entire western part of our
great country doesn't mean we have put an end to the trashing of our
planet. It has come to our attention that environmental destruction on a
monumental scale is occurring right in our own backyards. Yes, our own
backyards. We cannot continue to let this happen so we have joined
together several for-profit lawyers masquerading as environmental groups
to form The Backyard Conservancy. Members of this organization shall
henceforth be known as NIMBY's (Not In My BackYard) and the goal shall
be to buy up all the backyards in this country that are now privately
owned. After all, we can no longer permit private citizens to own their
backyards.
Why should backyards be any
different than ranch lands, farm ground or forests? And shouldn't urban
dwellers be forced, coerced and strong-armed into living by the same
set of absurd rules as farmers and ranchers are? I'm sure all those city
dudes who complain about how everything ranchers, farmers, loggers,
roustabouts and miners do is ruining the world will be more than happy
to contribute their own backyards to the cause.
A few long-haired, communist professors
at liberal eastern universities who we've funded with billions in grant
money have come to the conclusion that deforestation practices such as
clipping hedges, mowing lawns and trimming trees may be destroying the
ozone layer. They have estimated that the smoke created by toxic
backyard chicken barbecues alone will destroy the earth's ozone layer in
just 400 million zillion years.
Were
you aware that in watering their lawns alone urban Americans are wasting
enough water to feed the world's hungry? And for what, so that they can
have green grass! We NIMBY's like grass as well as anybody (maybe more)
but it is our goal to buy up all the backyards and replant them in real
grass. The kind we can smoke.
Many groups are now responding to our urgent call....
No comments:
Post a Comment