California Begins Issuing $1000 Fine For Each Tiny Plastic Communion Cup Served

SACRAMENTO, CA—In a special press conference called Wednesday, Governor Jerry Brown proudly announced the passing of brand new legislation that will allow the state to begin issuing fines on churches for each little plastic cup served during the Lord’s Supper.
The legislation forms a new Communion Enforcement Unit, which will visit churches undercover and fine pastors for every little plastic cup they serve in Communion.
“Once again, California shows itself to be at the forefront of both environmental and religious issues with the passing of this legislation,” Brown said as cameras flashed. “Other states are always playing catch-up with our fantastic laws as we move forward.”
Brown suggested that churches instead use one communal cup, a low-impact Starbucks coffee cup, or just pour the wine or juice into one large trough for easy access for all parishioners. “The time for common-sense Communion reform is now, and we’re happy to be pioneers on this issue.”
The governor also hinted that the Legislature may be close to passing fines on credobaptist churches for wasting so much water on immersion, when pouring or sprinkling would do just fine.

SATIRE