The Cigarette Act of 1965 required labels
on packages to warn consumers about the dangers of smoking. Although,
if people who inhaled smoke all that smoke didn't realize it was
unhealthy I doubt they were smart enough to read the labels to begin
with. That being said, I think we need similar labels on fake meat to
warn folks about the dangers of eating it. Here are some warnings I'd
like to see on packages of lab meat, rat stem cell burgers and eco
wieners.
WARNING! The Surgeon General
warns these bunsen burner burgers are not for internal or external use
and may cause mouth ulcers and broken teeth. In fact, eating the
packaging material would be far better for you than gagging down this
fake meat.
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT! The
contents may contain extract of steer juice as a flavor enhancer,
otherwise this fake meat would taste just as bad as it smells.
ATTENTION
TEENAGERS: Eating this fake meat has been found to destroy brain cells
in juvenile delinquents. It is addictive and causes euphoric ecstasy and
nauseogenic hallucinations.
CAUTION:
These counterfeit wieners cause cancer in lab rats. In fact, after the
government mandated that rat and mouse bait manufacturers get rid of all
the good stuff in their products this is the only commodity left on the
market strong enough to kill mice, rats and other rodents.
CHOKING
HAZARD! If you insist on eating this chemical concoction prior to
consumption make sure there is someone present who knows the Heimlich
maneuver.
SEX DETERRENT! Not intended for prophylactic purposes, although if you
eat this fake meat regularly it will make you uglier than a mud fence
and therefore act as a birth control device.
1 comment:
After reading his ignorant, uninformed, one-sided slander piece against the Arizona Cattle Grower's Association, I decided from now on just to skip past anything Mr. Pitts writes from now on.
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