Sunday, March 03, 2019

F*rtology


No comparable “bottom(s)-up” Calculations
F*rtology
Measure the Vegans!
By Stephen L. Wilmeth




            Yesterday’s morning trip to the ranch was an exercise in dung patch and bovine f*rtology. We had a dozen unworked cows. So, they were run through our homemade tub into the chute. Two vaccinations, Cattle Master and Stay Bred FP, were administered, a generic pour on was shot with a setting of 950 pounds per animal, and their tails were bobbed. The latter has become our practice to provide a visual reminder of who is processed and who might have been missed. It’s always a messy confrontation with copious amounts of fresh defecant and accompanying secondary flatulence.  Without a doubt, it would offend coastal lefties, but the setting has been shaped.
            This matter of cow farting has become a repeated point of conversation. What was once assigned to discussions out behind the barn or shared in communal exchanges in camp after the third day of straight frijoles has now become byline fodder for nightly news and kindergarten protests. Everybody seems to be talking and disparaging the honest cow who plods along giving of herself to the benefit of mankind.
            It’s ridiculous.
            For the matter of providing some support for the cow, a Google search of studies on her behalf was done with a comparative search for similar studies by her cultured antagonists. Literally, conclusion driven research to besmirch her existence by the latter outnumbers any suggestion of her benefits by at least 100 to one. The odds could actually beat that, but the goal of the anti-farters clearly implies that the world would be a better place without her.
            It’s more than ridiculous, and it is time to start standing behind her regardless of the consequences.
            F*rtology
            Jerrell sent me a You-Tube link about an incident whereby 90 cows in a German barn literally blew the roof off their comfy confines. There was no background detail to determine if those cows were left out in the cold subsequent to the explosion or to the extent that any hair loss contributed to the brutish conditions they may have been forced to endure until shelter was reestablished, but the implication was established. Cows fart excessively and the methane they produce is a singular vessel of evil that directly impacts the anthropogenic GHG (greenhouse gas) that the kids are being taught to despise.
            In the bowels of the report, though, a little matter was offered that only the most astute observer would have caught. There was a similar explosion in a Mexican office building in 2014. Mexican office building? There are no cows in a normal, Mexican office building, but that is the point.
            There is absolutely no composition difference in bovine and humanoid methane. Methane, CH4, is CH4 regardless of what sphincter through which it is released. In concentrations as low as 5%, it can explode in the presence of a spark, or a match, or a flame driven torch.
            Aha!
If the world of science is going to measure dung patch emissions, it is time to measure all of them … including those of the human beast.
            No Comparable “Bottom(s)-up” Calculations
            In Dr. Albrecht Glatzle’s fascinating (maybe fascinating is an exaggeration) research, Methane Emissions from Livestock Have No Detectable Effect on the Climate, the good scientist sets forth the premise that “there is no scientific evidence, whatsoever, that domestic livestock could represent a risk to the Earth’s climate”.
            Those are pretty revolutionary words based on what we hear every night on the boob tube, but his theory is simplistic. When GHG have been plotted by the drive by science centers, the baseline emissions, those emissions that existed before managed agro-ecosystems, are never subtracted. Further, the popular science relies on bottom(s)-up calculations. The issue here is the theoretical farting done by cattle is multiplied by the estimated number of animals in the world as if they are marginal producers that once didn’t exist. The question becomes, what about all the great herds that the rewilders worship and want to return to our Great Plains? Don’t the current populations of cattle in fact duplicate that mass of flesh and blood, and fart in similar proportions which is then absorbed into the baseline emission totals?
            The truth is the contribution of GHG by cattle has always been notoriously and purposely overstated.
            Measure the Vegans!
            If the suggestions there are more people living on Earth today than all combined history, there is a valid argument that the direct contributions of GHG by humans has a much different footprint than cloven hooved ungulates in terms of additions to the baseline.
            Nobody seems to want to measure human farting, but there is definite reason to do so. A study by the Carnegie Mellon University has assessed the USDA recommendations for diets and have found an alarming if not unexpected result. The fruit, vegetables, low fat dairy products and seafood that are being recommended have more GHG emission potential per calorie than historic American diets. The study came to that conclusion by measuring energy use/blue water footprints by American consumptive patterns. Contrary to what we are being told, the contributions by overdependence on vegetables has a negative contribution to climate change. In fact, the USDA recommendation on lettuce alone has a threefold harmful impact on climate than bacon!
            Eggplant, celery, and cucumbers are similar in terms of harmful impacts as compared to pork and chicken.
            Obesity has harmful effects, too. The summary suggests that being skinny reduces the GHG footprint. Diets being acclaimed by vegans and the obese increases the footprint. Energy use of food in their diet is up 38% over traditional American diet. Water consumptive demands are up 10% and the bell cow, GHG, is up 6%.
            The bottom line is these people need to get their own at-risk luxury apartments properly vented before they order changes in our lives.

Stephen L. Wilmeth is a rancher from southern New Mexico. “Neither of my grandmothers would have approved nor understood the need for this subject.”

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