Lee Pitts: Everythin I Know I Learnt In Collage

Over thirty years ago Robert Fulghum wrote a short essay that overnight made him one of the most beloved writers in America. The essay was called "All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten." It contained sage advice such as, "Share everything. Play fair. Don't hit. Flush. Take a nap every afternoon. Be aware of wonder." The essay was read into the Congressional Record, recited by Paul Harvey and quoted by Dear Abby and led to a multi-book deal for Fulghum who, by the way, had once been a working cowboy, among other jobs.

I'm afraid if Fulghum's essay was written today to reflect current attitudes it would be called "Everythin I Know I Learnt In Collage" and would contain modern day wisdom such as…

• Go in debt $200,000 to get a BA degree in blog writing and then go back home and live with your parents until you're 35 and try to land a job waiting tables.

• Climate change is real and the earth will self destruct in 20 years if we don't stop cows from farting.

• America is a rotten place and our founding fathers were a bunch of creeps and jerks.

• Success in life is best measured by the number of your Facebook friends and You Tube subscribers.

• Anyone who makes over $100,000 a year should have to pay 90% of it in income tax.

• The energy that powers electric bikes and electric cars is all produced by windmills and solar panels. All coal plants should be shut down and while we're at it, we should tear down all dams.

• The stock market is evil.

• It's a waste of time to learn to spell or write because a computer will do that for you.

• It's not impolite to put your phone on speaker and talk loudly in a crowded restaurant so everyone can hear both sides of your idiotic conversation, nor is it impolite to roll down your windows and turn your car radio up so high the base notes register on the richter scale.

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