My environmentalist neighbor has a real
dilemma on his hands. He spent a wad of money covering the roof on his
house with solar panels to generate enough electricity to power his
house, lower his electric bill and advertise to his green buddies that
he’s selling power back to the detestable electric utility company.
Instead of paying a bill every month he actually expected to get money
back from the bankrupt power company that provides our power. That was
the theory anyway. Needless to say, it’s not working out exactly as
planned.
The problem is that since
purchasing the house 20 years ago he’s planted milkweed for the Monarch
butterflies, ripped out his lawn to save water, removed all fences so
the invading hordes of deer would have free roaming and planted a row of
pine trees for nesting birds. I think he was trying to win the “Big
Greeny Of The Year Award.” The problem is the row of trees he planted
have grown so tall they’re now covering up his solar panels so he’s not
even generating enough power to heat his hot tub, let alone get a hot
check from the power company every month.
My
neighbor is a new age wing nut and limousine liberal with a few
sunflower seeds missing from his trail mix, if you get my drift. I
hardly ever see him outside and when I do I must hide my eyes because
he’s kind of a nudist who goes around wearing nothing but a goofy smile
and his underwear. To prevent encounters with the guy I told him that
I’d already killed 5 rattlesnakes this year and he didn’t come out of
his house for three months.
He later admitted that he’d seen how tree
companies cut trees and he didn’t like the way they let branches fall
to the ground and “get hurt.” So he got the needed permits from the
county (it costs $200 per tree, seriously) and asked if he could borrow
my chainsaw. I told him I was going to be gone but I’d leave it behind
my front gate and he could just come and get it.
In hindsight I should have left him the operator’s manual also because...
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