Why is it in conversation with one’s
horse or one’s dog we use simple, one syllable words like “come”, “sit”
or “speak?” But when we talk to fellow human beings we feel compelled to
use multi-syllable idioms, formal appellation, extended discourse,
locution and palaver that none of us understand? (Like I just did).
For
example, on a delayed plane trip recently we were offered “a
complimentary beverage service.” We’d have been just as thrilled if the
stewardess had simply said, “Free drinks!” When the plane ride got so
bumpy my “complimentary beverage” spilled itself in my lap the pilot
said that we were experiencing “some minor turbulence.” Maybe he was… I
was being tossed around like a salad and wasn’t enjoying the unruly and
violent tempestuousness one bit.
It’s
not just those folks with their heads in the air who use big words… it
is all of us. On the plane that day I read a realtor magazine that had
been left behind by the previous occupant of my seat. It urged realtors
to watch their language. Instead of using the word “commission” realtors
were urged to refer to their share as a “professional fee.” It seems
that the word “price” is a real no-no and the words “total
investment” can make a five thousand dollar per month mortgage payment
sound much better.
Bloated
bureaucrats also use bloated words. A recent Congressional report on
the defense budget seemed to be written in code. Dead people were
referred to as “collateral damage,” bullets were “kinetic energy
penetrators,” an invasion was a “pre-dawn vertical insertion” and a bomb
was referred to as a “Peacemaker.” That to me is a counterfactual
proposal (bald faced lie).
Recently my
wife received a post card in the mail from her doctor advising her that
it was time for her “comprehensive physiological and multiphasic health
screening.” I guess that makes it easier for the doctor to charge $500
an hour. When she climbed the vertical access facility (stairs) to the
Doctor’s office she found that the furniture had been removed to
facilitate “office landscaping.” And they weren’t just talking about the
placement of plants.
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