Sunday, January 19, 2020

Baxter Black: Cowboy Vegetarian Cookbook

When beef gets short, a lot of cowboys are forced to do without. The cook must come up with meatless meals. The following recipes are from the Cowboy Vegetarian Cookbook.

TENNIS SHOE TONGUE: Select an old one. The price is better and it may have picked up some natural flavor depending on where it has been worn. Boiling is suggested but it may also be fried to a crisp and served on a bed of marinated sweat shirt. Garnish with pickled shoe string.

SEED CORN CAP PIZZA: Carefully clean with a fish scaling knife. Remove all metal buttons, rivets and any plastic tabs. Flatten the cap by soaking in linseed oil then placing it underneath a door mat that gets heavy use. Once pliable cover it with lots of cheese and ketchup. Dry kibbles or dust motes may be sprinkled as a topping for variety.

MEADOW HAY SALAD: Choose a bale toward the middle of the stack. Break the bale being careful to remove any plastic twine. Take a flake and winnow it over the garage floor. Then chop the stems with a heavy blunt utensil like a bucket or hoe. For dressing, pound a kumquat sized piece of 17 percent protein block on a flat surface and add vinegar. Croutons chipped from corn cobs or diced styrofoam may be tossed in. Feed whatever is left to the cows.

FAN BELT FAJITAS: The most succulent fan belt can be found on old farm equipment molding in your boneyard. It should be sliced into bite-sized chunks. Tenderize before cooking by soaking in fingernail polish remover. Fry in lard along with half a hatful of 3/4 inch black plastic hose and shredded playing cards. Serve with beer and jalapeƱos. It tastes a lot like abalone.


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