Cowgirl Sass & Savvy (revisited)

Socially disadvantaged cowboys

by Julie Carter

The headline read: USDA Introduces an Online Tool to Assist Beginning and Socially Disadvantaged Farmers and Ranchers.

I just couldn't let it go. I had to write the USDA office and inquire about a specific clarity as to the meaning of "socially disadvantaged farmers and ranchers." 

I was fairly certain the USDA's definition and mine weren't at all similar.

Kindly, it was explained to me that "Socially Disadvantaged" is a term that means they belong to one of the protected groups such as Native American, woman, African American, etc. It is actually a term that is written into law by congress.

Behind the scenes in the government office, the joke is that it means, "they can't dance."

While I realize that particular skill is certainly lacking among many in the cowboy set, I didn't exactly have it on my "socially disadvantaged" list. 

I suggest to you that dancing is more of an athletic event requiring timing, rhythm and an ear for a musical beat. The social aspect of it takes place around the dance floor with said cowboy leaning up against the bar holding a cold long-neck, or around the pool table where looking cool is as important as sinking the 8-ball at the right time.

I believe that the social disadvantage for most cowboys is not so much in what they can or can't do, but more powerfully in what they say. They have an uncanny skill for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong person. 

Last summer, the wife had used a shovel to kill three rattlesnakes on the road to ranch headquarters. Deciding she preferred a garden hoe as her weapon of choice, she dug around in the shop until she found one. However, she quickly realized it was as dull as a politician and not in "snake-killing shape."

She went on to the house where her rancher husband was settled in for the evening. "Any idea where I can find a sharp hoe?" she asked.

Barely looking up for the newspaper he was reading, he replied with a completely straight face, "Not in this town." 

Not so long ago ranchers in the area were spending daylight past dark breaking ice and thawing out frozen pipelines in order to keep the livestock watered.

One willing ranch wife decided to pitch in and help with the thawing job on a water line that ran from the float box to the trough. 

Out in an open, treeless pasture, the pair built a cow manure fire along the 8-feet of line. Two hours later the water ran free making the cows and the cowboy happy.

Not able to leave well enough alone and possibly thinking an ornery grin would buy forgiveness he set his social skills aside. 

As they walked from the pickup to the house, the cowboy dutifully mentioned to his bride that she "smelled like a burning cow turd." 

Not many days later, she had just mopped the kitchen floor as he and the kids came tromping through from the muddy corrals. No one bothered to stop and pull off their over boots, leaving muddy tracks as clear-cut evidence.

"I just mopped and waxed this floor," she said in disgust and despair.

With his notoriety in witty comebacks, the cowboy retorted, "Good. Your mop must still be handy then."

Any long-range thinking about consequences had completely missed the moment. That, my friends, is case and point for the socially disadvantaged cowboy.

3/27/11