Lee Pitts: Computer Cowboys

I had an interesting conversation with a guy who said he was an “emerging technology specialist.” Or, was it “emerging technology officer?” Anyway, I do remember him specifically telling me that I’d better start getting in line for welfare and food stamps because I’d soon be replaced by a computer.

“Really?” I replied. “You think a computer can write a semi-humorous humor column?”

“Trust me,” he said, “if they can make a computer that will drive a car, steer a rocket into space or vacuum your carpet they can make one to replace the senseless dribble you write. You do know that already there are computer linguistic engineering programs to correct your spelling and grammar and rewrite poorly written sentences?”

“Yeah, I know. I once ran a column I wrote through one of those computer programs and it said I was writing for an audience at the eighth grade level!” With my knees knocking and my heart palpitating I asked the emerging technology specialist, “How long do you think I have?”

“A year, at most. You’re already on life support,” he said. “I just read a book, for example, that was written entirely by a computer.”

“You’re kidding me? Was it any good?” I asked.

“No. But that’s not the point. Neither is most of the stuff in bookstores now. The point is, no industry is safe from the computers and robots.”

“I know. I never thought that there’d be a machine to pick wine grapes or mow a person’s lawn. And I never would have ever believed in a million years they could make a computer-driven robot to milk a cow!”

“Any farmer or rancher,” he said, “that is having a hard time finding labor now will either buy a computer/robot to do the job, or cease to produce that crop. It’s that simple.”

“Wow. You’re really smart. I bet your services must be very much in demand. But I know one occupation that’s safe: the cowboy. You can’t tell me,” I said, “that a computer will ever pull a calf, build fence, castrate bulls, get into the mind of a colt, fix a spur strap, shoe a horse, out think a cow, train a cow dog, give a vaccination or put a prolapse back in and sew it up with a needle, leather punch and some whang leather. And I doubt that calves will voluntarily load themselves on a cattle truck or sit down on a hot iron to brand themselves.”

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