by Julie Carter
If it rains, if the water tanks are full,
if the pipelines are intact, if the spring on the mesa is still running a
little water, there might be some time for a little R&R at the
ranch.
Depending on what part of the country you
are in, this could involve a little sport fishing. In the case of this
story, “with or without a pole” was written in the fine print.
Jed was working on a ranch with a lake
reputed to be jam packed with fish. In a moment of running his mouth
before his brain engaged, he invited everybody he knew to a fish fry and
told them all to bring along anyone they wished.
He got busy with work and subsequently
didn't get any fish caught for the event. In desperation, he resorted to
the well-known dynamite theory of fishing.
He’d never personally tried that particular
method, but he had heard the stories about how it would land a big
bunch of fish all at one time. That result was now needed.
His thought was that with these fish so
fresh, everybody that showed up could help clean and cook them, making
the party a fun do-it-yourself event.
The appointed day arrived and Jed was seen out on the lake in a flat-bottom boat with a couple sticks of dynamite.
With his usual complete lack of
forethought, he lit the fuses. However, instead of giving them a good
heave out into the water, he simply dropped the dynamite over the side
of the boat.
The guests that had arrived were lined up
along the shore watching for their supper. They got more than they
bargained for as Jed and the boat took flight, launching at least 16
feet into the air.
The free unscheduled entertainment included
a big water spout that sprayed in every direction. That finale drew
applause from the shoreline.
They tried to tell everyone later that they were laughing so hard they forgot to pick up the fish that floated to the top.
The real story was, they knew Jed well
enough to come prepared with a cooler full of pork chops and hot dogs
for, well you know, just in case. It all went nicely with the huge catch
of fish.
Later that evening and back in
host-with-the-most mode, Jed recalled that he had a bottle of Curacao
that someone had given him forever ago. He still had it because he
didn't know what to do with it. After all, it was very strange and very
blue.
One of his Lake Dweller guests had spent a
little time in bartender school, although from which side of the bar
that education came is still suspect. Between horseshoeing school and
pursuing a welder certification this buddy said he learned about a fancy
drink called a Blue Hawaiian.
After a discussion of the recipe for this
exotic cocktail, Jed rounded up what few ingredients he had in the
house, which included pineapple juice and a gigantic quart-size bottle
of lemon juice.
Jed proudly told his guests the lemon juice
had been on sale at Walmart and he just couldn’t pass up the big bottle
for such a good price, even though he rarely used lemon juice. A good
deal is a good deal.
After a washtub-sized batch of Blue
Hawaiians, give or take an ingredient or two, the evening ended with a
room full of tipsy fish-fed folks with blue teeth and blue tongues.
Doesn’t get much better than that.
6/12/11
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