I have it on good authority that when you
go to heaven it will be much like going to the grocery store. There
will be two long lines at the pearly gates. One line will be for those
who believe in reincarnation and the other express lane will be for
those who don’t. If you get in the line of those who do believe in the
“here after” you will be asked to fill out a questionnaire to determine
how you would like to live your next life. I’ve recently been e-mailed a
copy of that form and I’m happy to share it with you in case you want
to study for the BIG TEST. Here it is.
“Welcome
to heaven. Before proceeding we would like to know how you would prefer
to spend your next life. Please look over the four options listed below
and place an “x” beside the description of the life you would most like
to lead. Thank you for shopping with us and we hope you enjoy your
stay.
A) Check this box if you would
like to live under beautiful azure skies with soft gentle breezes
blowing through your hair. If you would you like to rise before sunrise
on a quiet prairie surrounded by a bountiful bevy of beautiful bodies
then you will surely want to come back as an (A). After you enjoy a
hearty breakfast it’s nothing but sex, sex, and more sex until noon.
After lunch you’ll nap until two and then make love again till five with
the mate of your choice. After dinner it’s more of the same till
midnight when you will fall into a peaceful sleep to get ready for the
next day which will be just like the first. If such a life appeals to
you please select choice (A).
(B) Would you like to be reborn in a new
body? Would you like to eat anything and everything you want without
anyone nagging at you or feeling guilty that you may be consuming too
many calories, carbohydrates or cholesterol? Would you like to lead a
life free of Richard Simmons, diets and Weight Watchers? If you would
enjoy a life of constant snacking on junk food with the only
interruption being time out for napping then we would encourage you to
select choice (B).
(C) Are you tired
of the rat race? Would you enjoy a life of doing anything you want and
going wherever you want at any time? If you make your mark beside choice
(C) you will not have to work a single day in your next life. Nor will
you pay any taxes of any kind. There will be no jury duty, you will be
guaranteed lifetime free medical care and you can let your beautiful
locks grow. If you choose to give birth to more little (C)’s you do not
have to keep them if they were not what you had in mind.
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