If I was a lawyer, which thankfully I’m
not, I’d file the largest discrimination case in history on behalf of
the 10% of the population who are left handed. (Full disclosure… I’m not
a lefty.) Is there a bigger class of victims today than the southpaws
who have to conform to a right handed world? I think not. They don’t
even have their own bathrooms, for gosh sakes!
I’d
form an organization called the “Not-Rights” but the big question is
who to sue. Usually lawyers go after the deepest pockets and that would
be the U.S. government, but they’re already in debt 25 trillion and they
also have an army of lawyers. Even if the Not-Rights won, they’d never
get their money.
If we’re going to get
a lot of money for the Not-Rights, and a big fee for me, I think the
Not-Rights should go after multinational corporations, like the big
three car companies. They’ve been making right-handed cars for over a
hundred years. Whether the gear shift is on the column or on the floor
it’s meant to be operated with the right hand, ditto the radio and air
conditioning. Next time you righties go somewhere try reaching over with
your left hand to put the car in gear and you’ll see what I mean.
Don’t
get me started on desk manufacturers. Almost every classroom I sat in
after the third grade had these desks that you entered from the left
side so that the writing surface would be on the right hand side. So the
Not-Rights were at a huge disadvantage when it came time to taking
notes. It’s a wonder they didn’t all flunk out.
Then
there’s rodeo. There have only been a handful of lefties qualify for
the NFR in tie down roping over the years. I don’t know what the number
of left handed bulldoggers is but it can’t be very high and left-handed
team ropers might be an even bigger class of “victims” than Finnish
Vegan Transvestites for PETA.
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