Walmart Now Requires All Shoppers To Wear Pants

In a move that's being called "unprecedented tyranny," Walmart is now requiring all shoppers to wear pants in their stores. "Look, we don't think this is too much to ask," said a Walmart spokesperson. "Just throw on some sweats, pajama bottoms, whatever. This is for the health and mental safety of our employees. And for the love of God, take a shower once in a while, you know?" Shirts will remain optional...MORE(satire)