As I write this the Washington Redskins are going through very public agonizing spasms trying to come up with a new name that doesn’t offend anyone. One of the suggestions was The Washington Navajo Code Talkers, this despite the fact that Washington DC is 2,000 miles off the reservation. If Washington DC really wanted an appropriate name they’d call themselves the Washington Crooks, or the Washington Swindlers. By the time you read this the Redskins will have a new politically correct name and I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s the Washington BLM Muslim Socialists. After the Redskins change their name can the Atlanta Braves, Golden State Warriors, Kansas City Chiefs and Cleveland Indians be far behind?
Frankly, there are many names of the four major professional sports that offend me. (I don’t count soccer.) We have the sexist Milwaukee Bucks but where are the Does and am I to assume that the Nashville Predators are a bunch of perverts and sexual deviants? The San Antonio Spurs are named after an instrument used to jab a horse and the animal rightists can’t be pleased about that. Perhaps they should rename themselves the San Antonio PETA’s. The Los Angeles Lakers are named after the lakes in Minnesota and I’m sure all the old hippies who enjoy baseball would much prefer the name The L.A. Draft Dodgers. New York teams are named after Giants, Knickerbockers and Yankees so to be fair shouldn’t we have The Atlanta Confederates? Perhaps the Yankees would more appropriately be called the New York Leftists and the New England Patriots, in the spirit of the day, should be called the New England Slave-Owning Patriots.
I’m sure enviros and greenies are offended by all the references to fossil fuels like the Oilers, Pistons, Flyers, and Jets. The Chargers are probably okay but don’t be surprised if they change their name in the future to the L.A. Solar Panels. And it doesn’t set a very good example for our young people to see mature adults spell team names “Sox” instead of “Socks”. We should call them the Chicago Illiterates. Speaking of Chicago, we have the Chicago Bulls but where are the Chicago Cows or Chicago Heiferettes? There are other sexes, you know? The gay community should insist that the Golden State Warriors have a sex change to The California LGBTQ’s. And while we’re being more honest, the Green Bay Packers would more appropriately be called the Monopolistic Packers, Tyson Packers, Imported Cheese Heads or The Holsteins. We have teams with several references to animals but where are the Las Vegas Vegans, Salt Lake City Vegetarians or Tampa Bay Flexitarians? Isn’t the Milwaukee Suds a much better name than the Brewers? If we’re going to name teams after alcoholic activities where are the San Jose Winos?
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