High tech has destroyed businesses,
turned Main Street into a ghost town, and driven your Fed Ex and UPS
delivery person to sheer exhaustion. Forget the mall, Americans are
shopping on their cell phones. One of the few industries high tech has
not tipped over yet is the bull business, but it's only a matter of
time. Here's how, and who, you'll be buying your bulls from in the
future.
Amazon- You'll buy your bulls
on your cell phone and Amazon will deliver them free if you are a member
of Amazon Prime Bulls. (But not Amazon Choice.) To join Amazon Prime
Bulls you must pay $10,000 up front before buying a single bull. Your
bulls will be delivered by your Postal Service mail carrier and I hope
your bulls arrive in better shape than my mail does.
Apple-
When you buy a bull from Apple it will be the very best you can buy and
it won't come with any viruses or infections. Apple bulls will have all
the bells and whistles, will get their work done fast, be simple to use
and will have no disposition problems. The only downside is they'll
cost a fortune with the Apple 8 Bull selling for $9,999. You could buy
IBM for what a golden Apple 10 Bull will cost.
Samsung-
Your Samsung bull, imported from China, will do all the same things
that the Apple Bull will do for half the price. The only downside is the
bull may self-destruct at any minute.
Microsoft-
Microsoft bulls will be crossbred and complex, difficult to control and
you may have to re-boot them with your Tony Lamas to get them to work.
You'll have to keep sending your Microsoft bull back until they send you
one that will work. This will usually happen after the sixth try but in
the meantime your cows will either die of old age or get bred by your
neighbor's Samsung bull. You'll need to buy lots of wormer and
antibiotics because your Microsoft bulls will have bacterial infections,
numerous viruses and be buggier than the beds at a ten dollar-a-night
fleabag motel. With every Microsoft bull you buy you'll be making Bill
Gates even richer.
Facebook- The good
news is that Facebook is giving bulls away but in order to get a free
bull you'll have to fill out an exhaustive questionnaire and answer all
sorts of personal questions about the breeding habits of you, and your
cows. Facebook will then sell this information to a firm that sells
Viagra online, the Chinese, Zoetis, the Democratic Party, Harbor
Freight, American Angus Association, Sears, the CIA, FBI, Putin, and the
IRS. All these "Facebook friends" will then know all about the feeding,
breeding and pooping patterns of you and your bulls. The pinnacle of
humiliation will occur when your mother calls after reading about it in
all the cow papers.
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