I was visiting with Lisa after their bull
sale this spring. She remarked on the overabundance of bulls for sale
around the country this year. Competition is stiff. She said she counted
the number of bulls advertised on Superior Livestock video and figgered
if they were placed end to end they would reach farther than you could
point!
Her husband Lee, ever the deep
thinker, pondered on the dilemma and came up with the perfect modern
genetic answer; outlaw polygamy in cows!
By gosh, I thought, a solution that fits the times. One bull per cow. But then I began to think it through.
Would
each cowyage (as opposed to marriage in horses) be intended for life?
Or would we allow for divorce and recowyage (or dehorse and remarriage)?
Would
calf-support payments then be required till the calves were of weaning
age or shipping whichever came first? And would a heifer that calved out
of cowlock be declined subsidy payments and hay stamps if she was still
a yearlin'?
Would a cowyage pair be
allowed to mingle with other cowyaged couples in the pasture? Could both
the bull and the cow be trusted to ignore the lip curling, tail rubbing
and perfume of others? Would they stoically pay no attention if sidled
up to and mounted by a less disciplined member of their community?
Or would each couple be fenced in a small
enclosure; loosely based on a suburban housing development? One where
each morning the bull would be driven to an 8 to 5 field with other
bulls to spend the day grazing and grumbling about the rancher, the
bullfights in Mexico City and how alfalfa ain't what it used to be?
Would
the cows, likewise, drop their calf off at day care and go to their
respective cow field where they'd eat grass, talk about their calves and
share fantasies about bull pictures in the Artificial Insemination
calendar?
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