Monday, October 11, 2021

Baxter Black: Cowboy Astrological Signs

Astrology is one of those wonderful pseudo-sciences like naturopathy or cattle futures that anybody with an imagination can rapidly become an expert in. I have taken it upon myself to devise my own astrological symbols. If there is some question which sign you were born under, just ask a friend. I present them to you now.

OKRA—People born under the sign of Okra are slippery, smooth talkin’ and slick. Without self-restraint they can slide right over on their face. Okras make good molasses salesmen.

HOLSTEIN CROSSES—These folks start out slow, never look like much but, like the sure and steady tortoise, often finish first in the race, to everyone’s surprise! Feed bosses and second sons fall under this sign.

COYOTE—Never one to hide from responsibility, they run from it! You hear them, you find their tracks, but they’re seldom seen. They east the crusty end piece offa’ loaf of bread, the fat offa’ ham and fried shrimp tails. You can find Coyotes migrating every fall from Wyoming ranches to Arizona feedlots.

FLASHING BEER SIGN—People found under this sign are steady, bright and occasionally incoherent. They gather wisdom and glow. Then they dispense it in a blinking neon blizzard. Often you will find nutritionist, veterinarians and economists in this category.

DICE—As you might guess these people have a tendency to leap without looking, buy beachfront property in Saskatchewan and flip for the tab. However, as long as they’re winning we see them as glamorous. Most Dice feed cattle.


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